Sunday, October 24, 2010

ARRGGGH! Halloween approaches!

Of course Halloween is this pirate's favorite holiday of the year! The candy corn! The dog costumes! The drunken mayhem in Manhattan! The tarts strutting in lingerie at the Village parade! The sidewalk vomit! Does it get any better? This year I hope to find out when I explore Dorney Park After Dark in New Jersey next weekend.

This weekend it was already crazy in stores selling Halloween costumes. Sigh, it's really disappointing to see so many uninspired people looking through the Leg Avenue "costumes" instead of coming up with something clever. There's sure to be many Lady Gaga wannabes running around which could be interesting.

I feel sorry for kids today. Choices for kid costumes seem to be trademarked superheros for boys, and some trashy witch/vampire outfits for girls (training them to be little tarts for the Village parade). A friend of mine says she won't go to Halloween costume contests anymore because the winner is always some girl with the least amount of clothing, that the prize never goes to anything original. Indeed, when I was thumbing through the latest issue of the Village Voice, I saw one contest offering $2,500 for the sexiest girl. Firstly, how is that fair to the guys? And secondly, how is that even remotely in the Halloween spirit?

I think a costume contest should be for something very scary, gory, clever, or timely. This year, I might just parade around in my best job hunting suit and briefcase with a sign that says "will work for food." THAT is a timely costume! One of the best costumes I saw at a Village parade was a man in a bloody Hawaiian shirt covered with a net and syringes - timely because hospital waste was washing up on the seashore that year. And last Halloween, I saw a lot of folks in homemade "Where The Wild Things Are" monster outfits because the costume industry just didn't predict that need. This year's costume need is apparently Jersey Shore characters.

I like and appreciate people with homemade costumes. My hubby is feverishly working on the most amazing steampunk outfit that far surpasses the the costume kits you can get for steampunk. Besides, the whole idea of steampunk is to make weird gadgets yourself. Some of the best costumes are showcased every year on which features fans dressed at their favorite characters in costumes they had to make because they aren't sold anywhere.

One of my favorite costumes is one my brother made. We went to a costume party dressed as Terrance and Philip from South Park. It was so easy for him to make and he executed it brilliantly:

Post a haiku about what you like or dislike about Halloween. Oooh, even better - tell us a favorite mischief night prank you pulled! My Dad has a ton of them:

Happy trick or treat!
"How about a trick?" Dad says.
Water splashes down.


Toilet papered tress
are so last year. Let's block off
the street, pole to pole.


Flaming bag of poo
stomped on by unsuspecting.
It NEVER gets old!


All of these haiku are based on pranks my Dad did as a kid. He and his brother answered the door one year. One of them would be on the top floor with a bucket of water to dump on the front porch. They also used to wind toilet paper across a street from one telephone pole to another, making a wall. Many cars would turn around until someone got brave enough to drive through it. And an oldie but a goodie is to collect dog poo in a paper bag, set it on fire on someone's porch, ring the doorbell and run away. Kids, don't tell your folks you heard these from me! I hope you have a cavity-inducing loot-filled Halloween!

Tune in this Friday for a Featured Poet!


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