Monday, August 3, 2009

Lonely Rubber - vote on it!

Sticky rubber mess -
why are you on the sidewalk?
Used and tossed condom!


YEAH! It's August and time to go back to being angry! This is one of the things that disgusts me the most - the lonely, used condom on the sidewalk. The wrapper is NEVER seen, and it's never coiled up like a little cap; it's ALWAYS stretched out, wrinkled, crumpled, and gooey - you KNOW it was used by someone. And it's ALWAYS on the sidewalk! Naked, burning in the sunlight, drying up on the hard, uncaring asphalt. Never in a public garbage can or laying on the grass or next to a tree. I've seen condoms in Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn - and believe me when I say that I COULD HAVE put a photo of it here on this blog, but it's just too nasty, even for this Angry Poet. My reaction to this scene is always the same: "Ewww!" immediately followed by "Why is it on the sidewalk? Who used this thing out in public on a street?!"

I often try to concoct stories behind the condoms. Young lovers in the back seat of car toss out the remains - get busted by their parents anyway when the wrapper is found under the car seat. Quickie behind a park tree gets interrupted and the evidence is dumped later - casually, on the sidewalk - as they nonchalantly walk away from approaching cops. And then there's the very probable "I did a hooker up against a car" or in a dark alley. (I have seen prostitutes in broad daylight - 7am on a Saturday morning, going home from a club or a job. And I've seen them at night - I know I interrupted a "sales pitch" in my old neighborhood of Ft. Greene - and this was on a quiet residential street!)

This poem is definitely going in the next book! And so, my dear readers, I have a poll for you. Which version do you like the best? The "surprise ending" haiku you just read above, or this switched up version:

Used and tossed rubber -
why are you on the sidewalk?
Stretched-out gooey mess!

I kind of like the idea of ending with the word "mess" but I'm very fond of surprise endings, as I'm sure you noticed.
Which condom haiku do you like best?
1st one with "surprise ending"
2nd one ending with "mess"
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And I have another poll for you! Is this a New York City thing or have you seen it in your town? Was it on the sidewalk or a patch of grass? In a public garbage can? Have you seen lonely condoms outdoors in public and, if so, where were they located?
Have you seen a lonely condom, perhaps roasting in the sun on a sidewalk, but definitely outdoors?
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If want to totally gross us out, please post your sightings in the comments! And tell us your story about you think they got there!

How's that for a Monday post?! Huh?! Things are going to get a lot grosser after this.

1 comment:

Margaret said...

It hasn't happened much. I live in a pretty staid town. It might have been at the beach? Or was it a park? I don't even remember. But you really made me laugh.

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