Provocative Haiku

U.S. Navy Seals RULE!!!!!

2011-05-02T20:14:00.003-04:00

shot in the head,
then fed to the fishes,
Bin Laden is dead,
what now, bitches?!

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Way to go, Navy Seals! Thank you!
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Stupid Times Square!

2011-01-01T16:36:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year to all my Poet Pirates! Did you make any resolutions? I did, and I'm afraid it's not a nice one. I resolve to be an Angrier Poet! There's so much stupidity in the world, and I really need to get my act together and comment on it more often.

Case in point: the recent blizzard which crippled New York City. Yes, crippled. I am stunned. Most cities on the east coast have excellent snow removal. If you've listened to the news at all this past week, you could hear the whining, griping, and spoiled bellyaching of New Yorkers everywhere blaming the lack of snow removal on Mayor Bloomberg and the Dept. of Sanitation. I can attest that only major streets were cleared while the rest of us had to fend for ourselves in the residential areas. Somebody didn't think this one through because plenty of buses have to travel through semi-residential parts of Brooklyn and Queens. Then there were plenty of doofuses in compact cars and improper tires who thought they could drive through 16-20 inches of snow. The result was abandoned cars blocking secondary streets. Helloooooooo? Now the plow trucks that you desperately want to come can't plow through there.

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Turn in your license!
Four cylinder no match for
snow, stupid "driver"!

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The TV news had a field day, every day, interviewing people about train and subway problems, buried streets, people missing work. And, HORRORS! Having to, gasp, PAY someone to plow their driveway or neighborhood street. What has this world come to when you have to pay someone to plow your street?! I'm from New Jersey where we always had to pay someone to plow our driveway. New Yorkers, you haven't got a clue about how the world works. We saw the same kind of whining when a tornado ripped through Flushing and Brooklyn, leaving trees all over the roads. Everyone complained about the city not doing anything about it. Hey, here's an idea - if a tree falls in YOUR yard, why don't YOU take care of it?

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complain but not act
criticize but don't improve
problem partly you
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New York, take note: Snow is an act of Nature, not an act of Mayor Bloomberg! Deal with it!

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when in snow, wear boots
leave the Jimmy Choo at home
get a clue, ladies!

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You want to see a REAL snow problem? Check these out:

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man-made snow mountains
bury cars and streets. Shovel!
you must, for freedom!

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The real blizzard problem had to do with the conspiracy of tourism. You see, Mayor Bloomberg knew he had to clean up Times Square in time for New Year's Eve. And so Manhattan streets were plowed and plowed again to make sure everything was tidy for the tourists coming to Manhattan, the light of the world, this is as good as it gets, behold Gotham City's best annual party. A Facebook friend of mine said it best: "Anyone seen New Year's celebrations elsewhere around the world? We got some Micky Mouse bullshit going on in the 'capital of the world.' A giant, lit and mirrored, slow-ass tether ball? For fuck's sake NYC, get your shit together!!!"

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with nowhere to run
you celebrate with champagne
and adult diapers

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Yes, I truly believe that the snow was cleaned up in Manhattan for New Year's Eve. Think about it: every year Times Square is crowded with prison-like security which keeps people from entering or leaving from 3pm until midnight. Think of all the trash (and dare I say, excrement) that is left behind, on top of all the tons of confetti dropped on the people. It takes the Dept. of Sanitation HOURS to clean up this mess and millions of dollars. Taxpayers pay for this. Thanks for shitting and vomiting on me, tourists.

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vomit and trash from
tourists who do not live here
I pay for clean up

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This is a just a taste of what is to come this year. More and more I will take my inspiration from current events and vent on this blog.

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Winter thaw, walking
to avoid frozen dog poo
melting, silent bombs

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Hey, you ever wonder where the comments went? Most people put them on my Facebook page. I invite you to join in the fun! Click here and send me a friend request.

Happy freakin' New Year!

Diamonds do NOT equal love!

2010-12-20T16:57:00.005-05:00

During the Christmas shopping season (yes, shopping season, because there no longer exists "fall" or "winter" - there is only shopping), the only thing worse than all of the perfume commercials sponsored by Macy's is the stupid jewelry ads promoted by the "Big 3": Kay Jewelers, Jared, and Zales. Am I the only woman who finds these jewelry commercials insulting?

First we have Jared, "the Galleria of Jewelry" as they call themselves, heavily promoting the latest trend of chocolate diamonds from Le Vian. Is it just me or does it seem weird to say "chocolate" and "diamonds" in the same sentence? A diamond is supposed to be a sparkling, flawless, crystal-clear treasure, and now we equate it to being a dessert - a dark, poop-colored stone that tastes delicious. Is this supposed to make us feel better about the African bloodshed and corruption that forever taints the mighty diamond for today's politically correct and globally aware woman?

Then we have Kay Jewelers and Zales with their outdated, chauvinistic views of men and the dumb broads stupid enough to fall for their silly pick-up lines. Zales has a female ice skater laughing as her man intentionally takes a tumble so that she can catch him, only to have him catch her because the mere sight of a diamond makes her falter (even tough she is clearly the better skater. And don't even get me started on how she looks to be 25 years younger than him.). And Kay Jewelers shows a macho dude comfort his meek lass when a streak of lightning throws her into his arms and he proclaims "I'm right here! and I always will be!"

BLECK!!!!!

Whatever happened to the diamond industry's promotion of the Right Hand Ring, the diamond ring that women bought for themselves?

Clearly, the women's movement for equality is wounded and forced backward a step each time these commercials are aired. Apparently, all women care about are big strong pieces of man-flesh who can buy expensive gems. With the divorce rate so high, a piece of jewelry does not equate to fidelity, and yet ad people everywhere wants us to believe that jewelry equals love. Hey guys, how about you take your money and spend it on more dinner dates and time spent developing lasting intimacy with your woman?

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Vapid jewel ads -
your diamonds do not equal
everlasting joy!

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Blood covered stone
is born of violence, but
peddled to show love.

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Jewelry ads sell
lame reasons, phony need for
holiday excess.

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For real Christmas joy, you simply MUST read the clever comments posted on the Kay Jewelers ad! To see the ads, click each highlighted link:
Kay Jeweler's cabin engulfed in scary lightning
Jared's Le Vian chocolate dimaonds
Zales ice skaters

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Friday Featured Poet: Haiku Masters!

2010-11-05T05:00:00.000-04:00

Online Masters Degree Programs

I have the dubious honor of being a "Haiku Master," according to Jennifer Hughes with Masters Degree Online. She writes:

"We've scoured the web looking for amazing blogs that not only are great in
content, but informative and helpful when needed. And we've determined your
blog to be such! We like to call it a Master of its category!"

Sounds like a marketing gimmick. You can view the Masters here:
http://www.mastersdegreeonline.net/top-blogs/top-poetry-haiku/

Unfortunately, none of the links are working - you have to copy and paste. But some of these poets are good, despite being far, far less angry than yours truly! I liked ProperJoe's and Paiku the best, and not because they're the first 2 on the list. I skipped all over and had high hopes for Haiku Bandit Society (not nearly as interesting as their blog title, but good poetry).

Friday Featured Poet: Brigitte Coovert!

2010-10-29T05:00:00.002-04:00

We have a very special guest poet today: Brigitte Coovert! I found her on Etsy - I somehow came across her Squirrel Haiku zine and she's allowed me to share a few poems with you. Brigitte is very creative and best known for her Zombuki dolls: zombie and Kabuki hybrids! What better way to celebrate Halloween than checking out her zombuki dolls and evil eye jewelry!

About Brigitte:
Brigitte Coovert is a 29 year old human female residing in Florida. Her first altered doll creations, circa 1996, were less than delicate, though they did introduce Brigitte to what would become her primary focus. After a haitus, Brigitte returned to the toy medium for a few years, but came back to dolls when she discovered Pullips in 2005. The first Zombuki Pullip was created in August of 2006 and was well received, much to Brigitte’s total amazement. In the time since, over 30 of the little monsters have been created in the Pullip, Dal, Blythe, Byul, Taeyang Hujoo, and kokeshi mediums, and have found homes across the globe. Zombukis have been featured in multiple publications, including Dolls Magazine, Giga Hobby, and Haute Doll Magazine. The Zombuki had their first solo show at The Valley of the Dolls in Los Angeles, CA in October 2008.

One of her Etsy shops sells this tiny little zine with squirrel haiku that she wrote and vintage woodcut prints. (Of course, I had to buy it!) Here's a sampling of her haiku written from the point of view of a squirrel:

Misguided acorn,
Could have sworn I left you there;
Earthen Tupperware.

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In the storage shed -
I nested there one Fall day,
In your Christmas tree.

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For more Brigitte fun, check out her links:
http://pbrigitte.tumblr.com/ (blog)
http://www.zombuki.com/ (zombuki doll site)
Shop her Etsy stores:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/zombuki
http://www.etsy.com/shop/riotsqurrl

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With Words poetry contest deadline approaches!

2010-10-25T08:00:00.000-04:00

Poets, you have less than 30 days to enter this international contest. I have submitted my entries, which I will have to share after the contest because the judge, Alan Summers, monitors my blog, and I want him to be surprised!

Details are here and the deadline is Sunday, November 21st. There is an entry fee but the money goes towards the prize and literary charities.

http://www.withwords.org.uk/comp.html

Hurry!

ARRGGGH! Halloween approaches!

2010-10-24T14:29:00.003-04:00

Of course Halloween is this pirate's favorite holiday of the year! The candy corn! The dog costumes! The drunken mayhem in Manhattan! The tarts strutting in lingerie at the Village parade! The sidewalk vomit! Does it get any better? This year I hope to find out when I explore Dorney Park After Dark in New Jersey next weekend.

This weekend it was already crazy in stores selling Halloween costumes. Sigh, it's really disappointing to see so many uninspired people looking through the Leg Avenue "costumes" instead of coming up with something clever. There's sure to be many Lady Gaga wannabes running around which could be interesting.

I feel sorry for kids today. Choices for kid costumes seem to be trademarked superheros for boys, and some trashy witch/vampire outfits for girls (training them to be little tarts for the Village parade). A friend of mine says she won't go to Halloween costume contests anymore because the winner is always some girl with the least amount of clothing, that the prize never goes to anything original. Indeed, when I was thumbing through the latest issue of the Village Voice, I saw one contest offering $2,500 for the sexiest girl. Firstly, how is that fair to the guys? And secondly, how is that even remotely in the Halloween spirit?

I think a costume contest should be for something very scary, gory, clever, or timely. This year, I might just parade around in my best job hunting suit and briefcase with a sign that says "will work for food." THAT is a timely costume! One of the best costumes I saw at a Village parade was a man in a bloody Hawaiian shirt covered with a net and syringes - timely because hospital waste was washing up on the seashore that year. And last Halloween, I saw a lot of folks in homemade "Where The Wild Things Are" monster outfits because the costume industry just didn't predict that need. This year's costume need is apparently Jersey Shore characters.

I like and appreciate people with homemade costumes. My hubby is feverishly working on the most amazing steampunk outfit that far surpasses the the costume kits you can get for steampunk. Besides, the whole idea of steampunk is to make weird gadgets yourself. Some of the best costumes are showcased every year on www.HomeStarRunner.com which features fans dressed at their favorite characters in costumes they had to make because they aren't sold anywhere.

One of my favorite costumes is one my brother made. We went to a costume party dressed as Terrance and Philip from South Park. It was so easy for him to make and he executed it brilliantly:

Post a haiku about what you like or dislike about Halloween. Oooh, even better - tell us a favorite mischief night prank you pulled! My Dad has a ton of them:

Happy trick or treat!
"How about a trick?" Dad says.
Water splashes down.

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Toilet papered tress
are so last year. Let's block off
the street, pole to pole.

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Flaming bag of poo
stomped on by unsuspecting.
It NEVER gets old!

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All of these haiku are based on pranks my Dad did as a kid. He and his brother answered the door one year. One of them would be on the top floor with a bucket of water to dump on the front porch. They also used to wind toilet paper across a street from one telephone pole to another, making a wall. Many cars would turn around until someone got brave enough to drive through it. And an oldie but a goodie is to collect dog poo in a paper bag, set it on fire on someone's porch, ring the doorbell and run away. Kids, don't tell your folks you heard these from me! I hope you have a cavity-inducing loot-filled Halloween!

Tune in this Friday for a Featured Poet!

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Back to School! and a contest

2010-09-07T20:19:00.007-04:00

School bus as seen from the twelfth floor of an office in Manhattan:

Back to school again:
pounding the snooze button, then
inhale my breakfast.

Race to catch the bus!
Miss! Beg Mom to drive me, then
walk of shame to class.

I no longer dream
of school bus anxiety,
but pink slip from boss.

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Yeah, poets! It's back to school time! How many of you have woken up in a cold sweat a week before the first day of school, worried about missing the bus? Used to happen to me every year, and I don't know why - it's not like it was a big deal to show up late.

Grasshoppers, get your writing chops warmed up and try entering one of your haiku into a contest! One of our Friday Featured Poets, Alan Summers was kind enough to post it in one of the comments. Here's a link to it here. There is an entry fee, but you'll get worldwide exposure and be judged by the awesomely talented poet Alan Summers, renga poet-in-residence for City of Hull, in the UK.

The deadline in November 21st, 2010. Check it out!

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Middlepoet - the Poet Laureate of...Jersey City?!

2010-08-04T14:48:00.003-04:00

Check out Middlepoet - a poet/rapper who puts his work to song AND video! Talk about taking poetry up a notch! There are plenty of poets like him on YouTube, but none as flawlessly entertaining and hip.

He inspires me to make more Provocative Haiku videos! What do you think? Take a quick survey and let me know what you like about this blog by clicking HERE.

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Tired of sweating,
constant, more body odor,
sticky, grimy itch!

No more appetite
except for cold beer, ice tea,
Chasing ice cream man.

Tired of summer,
humidity, more acne,
more yeast infections.

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"Featured Poet"

2010-07-12T20:59:00.002-04:00

This is too funny not to share:
Here's the direct link:
http://whydoilivehere.cheezburger.com/2010/06/23/crazy-neighbor-photos-had-to-pick-them/

Hating summer heat

2010-07-05T16:40:00.002-04:00

I hate summer heat,
humidity, instant sweat,
my fat thighs chafing!

This is what I feel like:
AXE antiperspirant video

Garbage Heap

2010-05-17T16:02:00.003-04:00

Rat race to amass
coveted objects become trash.
It ends in a pile.

This lovely trash mountain was spotted while I was on the LIRR. It really made me think of overconsumption in the world.

Speaking of consumption, if you'd like to make a statement with this photo, you can buy the shirt here at my new Spreadshirt store. This is an experiment - they have a lot of organic cotton and even recycled shirts. Check it out!

Or leave your own haiku about the American addiction to shopping, overabundance, and waste in the comments below.

Rainy days suck!

2010-05-03T15:58:00.004-04:00

Rainy Mondays suck!
Wind has broken umbrella,
Wet shoes and wet pants,

Perfect hair ruined -
Why did I bother?! but then -
Droplet smiled at me:

Photo by Whitney Tillson, a Friday Featured Poet!

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Poem In Your Pocket Day is today!

2010-04-29T18:04:00.002-04:00

I'm such an amateur poet - I just found out today is Poem In Your Pocket Day. Alice Quinn is the director of of the New York-based Poetry Society of America, and she's responsible for bringing the Envelope Project to the city. Her idea comes from her fifth-grade teacher who one day gave all of his students a sealed envelope with the first line of a famous poem on the front, and the full poem inside. The students were asked to write their own poem using the same starting line before they could open the envelope.

So the idea for today is to carry in your pocket a poem you wrote based on a famous first line and share it with friends and family. Today, Mayor Mike Bloomberg read his poem which is inspired by "Hope is the Thing with Feathers" by Emily Dickinson. I think it's rather good, so I'm going to share it below:

"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That makes our City soar
It will take us to the future
As it's carried us before.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That travels all our streets
It sings in every language
It sometimes even tweets.

And though we may not see it
It perches everywhere
In new shops and small businesses
In every schoolroom chair.

It could be our famous pigeon
Or fabled red-tailed hawk
Hope is the thing with feathers
That flies throughout New Yawk.

I love how he ends it with "New Yawk!" Our mayor is very fond of NYC, and probably does not take public transportation to work. If he did, he might have written some haiku about the frustrations of subways and navigating the sidewalks of the city (see my book).

So, let's explore that, shall we? Trying to get anywhere in NYC is maddening, especially during rush hour. The city is just full of so many people, bikes, vehicles, and pets. It's bumper to bumper stop-and-go traffic, it's being crammed onto an already full bus, it's trying to get your MetroCard to work at the turnstile as the subway doors are closing. ARG!!!! It's enough to make a pirate drink rum! and lots of it!

I'm going to try my hand with one of my favorite poets, Edgar Allen Poe, and use his poem "The Raven."

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
why so many pedestrians wander aimlessly when, clearly
there are people in a hurry, walking by in a flurry
trying to catch the train, and just barely
making it through the closing door.
Why must they be so selfish, unthinking of others?
They should all "Be gone!", if I had my druthers.
But alas, I must commute to work because my smashed up car is
No more.

And of course, we must have a Provocative Haiku on the subject!

Rush hour train ride home
with gabby, drunken riders.
I could slap each one.

Hey, why don't you give it a try! Here's a great place for famous poems:
www.FamousPoetsAndPoems.com and click here for "The Raven."

Friday Featured Poet: Whitney Tillson!

2010-03-19T05:49:00.002-04:00

I'm so tickled about today's poet! Me, Whitney, and her husband Michael, all went to high school together, in the same grade! Yes, they are high school sweethearts! And to make this all even mushier, Michael and I worked at a deli and he caught me as I fainted from cutting my finger. Awwwww! I know, this is all going to ruin my rep as an Angry Poet. They love Halloween, they have the cutest kids ever, and Whitney paints the cutest things! Please check out her her Etsy store here.

Hey, if you're not a Facebook friend of the Angry Poet, you need to be! You could have gotten a preview of today's poetry! Go here now and join the fun! But you can still enjoy all the fun right here, because today's post is a very special "shout out" to "Ms V" who posted a very inspiring comment right here on this blog. It appears I'm not alone in my anger at bad neighbors. I hope Ms V will return and tell us more about her adventures in Section 8 housing. I think I'll do a video post in her honor.

But back to Whitney. She lives in the Delaware Water Gap in Pennsylvania with her husband, two kids, three dogs, and a cat. In her spare time, she likes to dance, draw, paint, and teach yoga/pilates. She loves art in all of its forms! She says that, thanks to yours truly, she has rediscovered haiku, and even better, has learned how to use it to vent! Here are some haiku for you from Whitney. She lives close to a real doozy of a neighbor. Won't you take a moment to comment on your own neighbors? (You can post anonymously - hint, hint.)

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Can I talk to you?
I am met with your swearing.
Why are you yelling?

Leave your shed on mine,
My property becomes yours.
Big Jerk too angry to hear!

You speed down the lane,
on purpose, flashing the bird.
Twice! And Rosey sees.

It is a dead end.
And it is dirt and narrow.
Spinning your tires.

How old are you now?
What? You are at least 50?
And you are a nurse?

Such an angry man.
Too bad life is passing you.
Angry all the time.

Hope I never land
In the hospital with you
As my nurse. Scary!

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What bakes on the sidewalk...

2010-03-18T15:40:00.005-04:00

Dog poop has melted;
Fat folks are wearing spandex.
Oh yes, spring is here!

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Smells are arising;
Unknowns are melting on sidewalk.
Winter past at last!

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Ah yes, the sweet arrival of spring! Not so sweet in New York City where the dwindling snow only reveals silent garbage, and when exposed to sunlight, assaults your unsuspecting nostrils!!!

Speaking of nostrils, have you seen my third video? Check it out here.

And visit us tomorrow for a very special edition of Friday Featured Poet!

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Mysterious pile:
a smear squashed and rubbed on the
hot baking sidewalk.

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Gum tossed and frozen
waiting patiently for sun;
Goo-sticky shoe mess!

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Snow shrinks, disappears,
and underneath it reveals
garbage of winter.

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Neighbors

2010-03-14T19:13:00.004-04:00

I'm really trying to find my happy Mr. Rogers space, but lately my neighbors just bug me.

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A giant mountain
of trash lines the alley way
by Saturday morn.

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Nose is assaulted
from the wreaking stench downstairs:
I hate your cooking!

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Laundry dragged downstairs
for naught because YOU have hogged
all of the machines!

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Lobby scream echoes:
Your child is heard on all floors.
Wish I could slap you.

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Love Neighbor Razor Knucks by WhiteTiger_LLC
design your own coffee mugs with Zazzle

Hot Water

2010-02-26T17:29:00.002-05:00

Shivering naked
waiting for hot water, but
cold shower again!

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The amount of water wasted while I wait for a hot shower, or even a warm one, is awful. I feel guilty about it even though it's not my fault. Every time I have called the landlord, I'm told to "just let the water run for a few minutes." Ug, so wasteful!

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Contents of a Sidewalk

2010-02-20T11:36:00.004-05:00

I was walking around Sunset Park yesterday when I noticed some interesting trash on the ground: an empty box of Trojan MAGNUM condoms, and close by was a candy wrapper. Now, consider this: I was walking on the park side of the street - where there is no trash pickup. And, we've just had heavy snow and the sidewalk is lined with mounds of shoveled and plowed snow. From this, I concluded that this was not trash that blew there from a trash can - it was litter, meaning someone dropped it there during a walk or, er, ahem, other shenanigans.

What takes place on a sidewalk by the park that involves Magnum-size condoms and a candy bar?! The mind boggles! Was this a late-night tryst followed by a snack break? Was the chocolate eaten first, like an aphrodisiac, and followed by a sex act with a large endowed man? Or did some teenager just empty a pocket or purse? I must confess, there was no evidence of a used, lonely condom (click here for more condom haiku). Part of what makes city life so fun is seeing random objects like this close together and thinking about how they got there.

Condom box and candy wrapper. Weird.

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What shenanigans
transpired to produce an
empty condom box?

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Quiet family park,
but your trash tells odd stories:
condom box, candy.

By day, soccer balls,
but at night, strange trash appears.
What does it all mean?

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OMG, it's still there! I went for a walk today and the box is still there!

New Year's Resolutions

2010-02-13T18:41:00.005-05:00

Happy Chinese New Year! How are you New Year's Eve resolutions coming along? If you've given up on yours, here are some to consider:

I eagerly await your comments on YOUR pet peeves! Post 'em below!

I hate Mondays - and my neighbors

2010-02-01T09:42:00.003-05:00

Monday cold shower
starts the day, the week all wrong.
I hate, hate! Mondays.

Neighbor's screaming child
has started screeching again.
I hate, hate! Tuesdays.

Teens are loitering
in the hall - burping contest.
I hate, hate! Thursdays.

Drunken Brian stomps
outside to get his six-pack.
I hate, hate! Fridays.

Weekend loud music
is thumping non-stop, makes me
hate ghetto neighbors.

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Everything you need to know about my life in Sunset Park has just been written above. I can't wait to move!

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Pop Lyrics Into Dirty Haiku

2010-01-28T19:49:00.015-05:00

Just an experiment for fun: check out the Billboard Top 100, pick some song lyrics and make dirty haiku out of them. Like so:

Black Eyed Peas "Boom Boom Pow" becomes:

Shittin' on ya'll - shit!

Shittin' on ya'll with boom boom!

Shittin' on ya'll - shit!

So sorry! But every time I hear that song, all I can hear is the word "shit"!!!!!

Justin Bieber's "Baby" becomes:

I'm goin' down, down -

And I'm like baby, no, no -

Baby, baby, no!

Kesha's "Tik Tok" becomes:

We all gettin' crunk -
Boys trying to touch my junk -
Smack him if he's drunk!

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Adam Lambert's "For Your Entertainment" becomes:

What you got into?
Handle what I’m ’bout to do -
will get rough for you!

Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" becomes:

GaGa, oh la la,
I want your ugly disease -
as long as it's free!

Rihanna's "Hard" becomes a porno!

Go hard or go home -
Ah yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm so hard -

hard, so hard, so hard!

Hah! Okay, that didn't take much skill, but it sure was fun! I promise you that I have another video coming shortly. In the meantime, won't you put your lyric mash-ups below in the comments? Don't forget to make 'em dirty!

Friday Featured Pirate: Suzy Dellaquila!

2010-01-08T06:00:00.001-05:00

Classic Suzy

Pirate Suzy

Snowbunny Suzy

My punk-spirited friend Suzy took up the challenge to write some quick haiku! Suzy Dellaquila loves pandas, pirates, Nintendo DS, gadgets, and Korean boy bands. She's also a very talented artist and photographer who is almost finished with college. (Headhunters: she'll be on the job market this May!) You can check out her portfolio here: www.SuzyKyu.com

The bitter temperatures we've been experiencing the past two weeks are her inspiration for these haiku:

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Brrr, It's Freaking COLD
when will it be warm again,
I want to go play

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cold snowflakes landing
peaceful wintery landscape
snowball to the face

*
the wind howls loudly
blustery winter is here
wake me when its gone

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slick ice on the ground
hidden by the cold dark night
I land on my butt

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oddly shaped snowman
makes me smile when I walk by
built by local drunk

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Photo by Suzy

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ARGGH! That be mighty fine poetry, lass! I love the surprise ending of "snowball to the face!" But my favorite is "oddly shaped snowman" - even before I saw her photo of an actual snowman - built by a drunk. Ah, New Yorkers - so full of.....weird shenanigans.

Make sure you visit her very cool website www.SuzyKyu.com and view her art and she also has a blog! Suzy is a true Provocative Haiku fan. When she found out she was going live this Friday, she wrote:

WOOHOO I made it
writing Haikus is such fun
onwards to mayhem!

Yes, onwards to mayhem, indeed! Won't you join the other Pirate Poets and share your work with us on Facebook? Or, write your wintery haiku below! C'mon, you can do it! It's easy - look:

today it's 20

degrees, cold wind is whipping -

makes my boogers freeze!

I love when you can get your haiku to rhyme! Make it your New Year's resolution to write more haiku - on MY blog, of course, because I want to read it! And speaking of resolutions, stay tuned for video #3 coming soon! Get notified by subscribing to this blog, my YouTube channel or Facebook.

Angry Poet is now on Facebook!

2010-01-06T19:47:00.006-05:00

Friend me on Facebook - my official author page is now set up. Search for "PiratePoet" and look for the Angry Poet mascot drawing. Or click here.

You can see all the videos or subscribe to my YouTube video channel:
http://www.youtube.com/provocativehaiku

It's back: Friday Featured Poet. Visit us this Friday for some wintery haiku fun from my friend and Pirate Poet, Suzy Dellaquila! Hey, if you've got the chops, send me at least 3 haiku and you could be a Friday Featured Poet, too! C'mon, matey! Join us as we churn the water with our words - be a Pirate Poet!

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Waves be crashing, ship
thrashing, seasick mates yakkin' -
ARRG! Chum in me boot!

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Happy New year! new video

2010-01-03T20:34:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year to all my poet pirates! Are you recovered from the holidays yet? Here are some haiku appropriate for the holidays. This second webisode includes readings from my blog and book regarding beer shenanigans and the resulting hangovers. And since most people start looking for a new job in January, how about about office happy hours, griping about the boss and upper management? And finally, Christmas food: yams and ham. Your comments are appreciated but more importantly, I want to read your haiku! Post 'em in the comments below!

Book availability news

2009-12-22T20:20:00.003-05:00

Ok, I'm not sure why Amazon is no longer carrying my book, but you can still get it at Lulu.com:

Provocative Haiku

And book #2 is in the works and should be available sometime in January. Also in January, book #1 will be available for FREE as a downloadable PDF. My Etsy store will be closed for the holiday, but you can still get goodies from Lulu or Zazzle.

Merry Christmas! and watch my video!

It's here!

2009-12-20T21:00:00.004-05:00

Provocative Haiku now has a YouTube channel! View the first video and subscribe!

I would like to thank all of my readers for making 2009 a very fun year! I appreciate the work you've shared with me and I've enjoyed reading your haikus in the comments or by email. Let's keep the creativity going in 2010! Post your haiku and tell your friends to visit. Coming soon: the Angry Poet will have her own Facebook fan club.

Happy Holidays to all of my pirate poets!

Special Announcement!!!!!

2009-11-21T11:24:00.004-05:00

I have some good news and some bad news! First the bad news - Provocative Haiku blog will be "shut down" while I work on formatting book number two. What does this mean? It means the blog will feature haiku from the first book. I hope to have the new book ready for sale by January 1st.

And now the good news! We're going to experiment with the haiku from book one by having VIDEO blog postings! Yes! I shall once more don my pirate cap and read my poems to you. Perhaps even shout them, angrily, as some of them are meant to be experienced. :)

My inspiration comes from one of our featured poets, T. Raven Scott! Check out his video stuff here: http://scottravent.com/animated and here: http://www.myspace.com/scottravent

And my inspiration also comes from an article I read in Book Business magazine which states that while poetry books are not usually best sellers, people use poetry in a variety of ways. Use poetry?! I was surprised to find that a growing category of audio books are poetry, read by the authors who wrote them. It gives fans a deeper understanding of the meaning of the poems, and also gives them more confidence in reading it - as in, reading it aloud. Audio books allow them to better understand the author's emotion or intent behind the poem. It often leads them to explore the works of other poets.

While obviously performance of poetry is not a new idea to people like Scott Raven, I have often thought of exploring it for myself. So, stay tuned for my YouTube channel and MySpace page! Perhaps it will inspire some of you to respond to some of my posts with a recording or video of yourself.

To my American fans, I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving for next week! And to my international fans, I want to give thanks for your support - your comments, your participation, and just the fact that I know people are reading my blog is very exciting for me and I'm thankful for your readership! I hope you'll continue to join my journey on the pirate ship of Provocative Haiku!

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Ready to set sail
the haiku pirate hopes to
churn water with words!

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Donations

2009-11-15T22:17:00.007-05:00

I love giving to charity but I hate those mailings that most organizations use to ask for it. You have the very long 4-page letter that no one reads, along with a reply card and envelope. It always makes me wonder "how much did this mailing cost? how much of my donation will actually go towards helping someone vs. paying some ad agency for this mailing?" Maybe I'm too much of an Internet person because it all seems like a huge waste of paper. If I see something on TV or hear about it in a magazine, I'll Google it and see what it's all about. Also, I think at my age most people already have certain charities picked out that they regularly donate to. Yes? Am I wrong? I have 3 charities I donate to. And I invite you to consider one of them: Heifer.org

Their mission is to give people the means to produce food for themselves. Instead of giving people money or food, they give people live animals and training in how to care for them and pass on the gift. For very little money, about $30, you could give a family the means to eat meat all year! Plus, I think it's so funny to tell people, "I bought a flock of chicks in your name" when I get virtual gifts for friends. It inevitably cracks people up, which is helpful when all you gave them was a card. I took it one step further for my cousin Jeff's Christmas present. He didn't want things for the holidays so he said "make a donation in my name." I thought that was so sweet of him and decided to do it.

I bought him a flock of chicks from Heifer.org and then I sent him several letters throughout the year from his "Cuttack Chicks" who were presumably sent to India. Each letter had pictures of them getting bigger. After almost a year, Bruce & I made a box with fake postage from india, and inside were 6 baby chicks - I had to coordinate early with my Mom to get chenille chicks around Easter. He opened the "package from India" to find the baby chicks, the offspring from his Cuttack Chicks, representing that his gift had been passed on to another family.

It was so much fun to learn about India while I searched for photos to include with the letters from the chicks. It really made me appreciate everything I have, and it's hard to see people who live in such poverty. Heifer provides a great yearly magazine that tells the success stories of families who have prospered because of their animals and how they're helping to change their local community by passing on animals or working together to pool resources to bring to market. It's amazing to see what so little money can do for people.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are almost here. If you've been following this blog and thought about buying my book, let me toss out a little incentive. If you buy my book through Lulu or even my Etsy store, I'll donate the cost of the book ($10) to Heifer.org. Just 3 books would allow Heifer to give a bee hive to a family, or a flock of chicks or ducklings. Just 6 books would equal a trio of rabbits, and 12 books would equal a goat! I hope you'll consider it, and please consider buying through my Etsy store so that I can send you a personal thank you and some extra goodies.

Tell me about your favorite charity in the comments!

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Gift of chicks gives eggs,
then much needed protein meat.
And most of all: hope.

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"Paste-up" Graffiti - Lego heads!

2009-11-11T20:06:00.007-05:00

There are so many ways to defile advertisements in New York City! One popular way is "paste-up" graffiti. This technique is only used by the "artsy" graffiti artist who has time and money to design and print up his (or her) own labels or sheets of paper and the wallpapering skills to paste them over ads. I always wonder if there is some other ulterior motive behind this type of graffiti, as evidenced by a group of people who plastered "thought bubbles" all over Manhattan which invited people to participate. Ads became single frame cartoons of unspoken public thoughts. Photos were taken of the really clever ones and made into a book.

Not sure what this artist had in mind by printing up various Lego toy heads - at full human size - and then pasting them all over the 23rd Avenue station of the C, E Train. (The blue subway line has the best graffiti, hands down!) But, the effect is hilarious because the entire station was hit up! If we only saw one head, we find it curious and forgetful. But the repetition turns it into art! Of what kind, I can't comment. I just think it's funny.

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Paste-up graffiti
mocks advertising's effort
to sell us something.

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Paste-up graffiti
a slap on the ad face can
transform it to art.

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Contents of a Shopping Basket

2009-10-24T15:37:00.005-04:00

Ding Dongs, whole chicken,
orange juice - with calcium.
"Yes, gals... I'm single!"

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'Nuff sed. The above items were purchased by the dude in front of us at the grocery store.

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Glorious Graffiti!

2009-10-21T12:02:00.005-04:00

Alison & Alyce in front of a Village graffiti mural

This one is for my good friend Ellen because she wanted me to write a haiku about graffiti. The boros of New York City have such an abundance of scribble, social and political commentary, and downright detestable filth. But some of it is very clever and artistic. Sometimes it's even encouraged - as evidenced by this massive mural my friend Alyce and I came across.

And these cows are an example of what looks like art but is actually an advertisement. There is no shortage of ads in the city - either legit or "gorilla marketing." I really enjoy the ones that provoke a reaction, or even better, photos!

So much advertising in the city is bland and New Yorkers respond to it with graffiti - often vicious, depraved scribble. Someday I'll dig up my photo of a cute little boy for a healthcare ad that someone drew a Hitler mustache on - and before I could get back with my camera, someone else had added a Zorro mask. Somebody really needs to collect this all in a book! It was my goal at one time to do such a book, but I no longer ride the "C" train which seems to have the best graffiti. If you want to see movie ads where every actress and actor has a doodled penis in front of their face, just ride the "C" train!

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Raw, social comment
drawn in a scrawl on the wall,
defacing faces.

happy ad people
juxtaposed with foul language,
mustaches, and cocks!

Graffiti declares
truth of the masses do not
buy what you're selling!

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I always wanted to write a haiku with the word "juxtaposed"!!!!! If you've got photos of graffiti, send them in with your haiku about it! That would make for a most excellent Friday Featured Poet spot!

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Job Hunting & Beer Shenanigans

2009-10-19T08:10:00.004-04:00

Well, my darling poets, it seems we'll spending more time together, as I am newly unemployed! I'll be using all of the tips we've talked about in this blog. I have postcards and business cards ready, as well as a posted resume and LinkedIn profile. I sure hope the economy is picking up like my headhunters have told me, because I am ready to work! Lots of part-time opportunities out there that I look forward to exploring. I have been thinking about rejoining the ranks of the self-employed for some time now. Tough times like these require one to re-think the available options. You may want a full-time job, but find that there are 2 part-time jobs you have to choose instead. I have some full-time opportunities in the works, so we'll see what pans out. Share your stories here and check back as I continue to work on my own "call for submissions." I think today is a "beer and shenanigans" kind of day.

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Beer shenanigans!
Fun into the wee late hours
singing and dancing!

Feeling so carefree
until the first vomiting,
then finding a cab.

Stumble into bed,
room spins...wake to hangover.
Is it worth the price?

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Bitter Employee Haiku #18 by alkimy444
Create custom steins with zazzle.com

David Bowie = cool

2009-10-12T09:26:00.008-04:00

I simply can't say a bad word about David Bowie. To me, he is the epitome of cool. You could make fun of his crazy outfits from back in the day, but that's why I always liked him. David Bowie is provocative! His ever-changing personas were strange, weird, queer in the truest non-faggy sense of the word. He's an artist and his music and stage shows were creative expressions of his art. He's also a true performer - one of those rare people born to be on stage, like Freddie Mercury.

The next rainy afternoon where you find yourself with nothing to do, go rent "The Man Who Fell To Earth" or watch some vintage tour footage. (If you want a strange laugh, listen to very old Bowie - "Laughing Gnome.") You, too, will fall in love with my glitter prince!

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Ziggy played and morphed -
thin pale duke from space, insane
in spandex, vinyl.

Tall slender dancer
with guitar or saxophone,
Bowie equals cool.

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Boy, it was so hard choosing only a few Bowie pictures for this post. He had so many great crazy costumes and so many great suits! Some of his stuff was so outrageous, much like Peter Gabriel's creations from his days with Genesis. Hey, who do you think is weirder? Vintage David Bowie or Peter Gabriel during his days with Genesis? Vote on it! And won't you please consider writing a haiku about one or both of them?

Who had the craziest costumes and makeup?

Boy Bands

2009-10-07T09:03:00.000-04:00

Ah, remember the good ole 1990's? When NSYNC and Backstreet Boys and a host of other delicious jailbait dudes danced around for the amusement and screams of little girls? Boy bands have been around even before the debut of The Beatles, and there will always be new boy bands.

NSYNC was always my favorite boy band. I think the reason was Joey Fatone and his ever-changing hair color. But mostly the trend at that time was for the group to look "put together" - dressed by some stylist, they had individuality but also looked like a group. The Beatles always looked so smart with their matching suits and playfully mussed haircuts.

But what's up with the Jonas Brothers? Maybe I'm too old for boy bands, but the Jonas brothers always look so goofy and poorly dressed. Is it just me? Half the time they look pretty good, but some of their outfits just look downright sloppy. Maybe that's how you crazy kids dress these days!

But me, I miss the days of high-concept costumes! Give me vintage Duran Duran any day! I think today's music scene needs that - and that's why Lady Gaga kills on the Billboard charts! Lady Gaga has the most clever and outrageous costumes since the days of Freddy Mercury and Peter Gabriel, and I hope this trend is here to stay! I love weird more than mainstream!

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boy bands and pop stars
drive the glitter and hair spray
market - buy stock now!

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Nicely "put together" pop stars: Jonas Brothers, vintage Duran, Lady Gaga - how does she get her hair to do that?!

Hip Fat & Tight Clothes

2009-10-05T20:41:00.007-04:00

Is it sexy? Plenty of ladies in my neighborhood seem to think so. I'm not against chubby folks. I just think you should dress for your size. And I wish this trend for spandex-like clothes would go away, because so few people can pull it off. A few weeks ago, I actually saw someone wearing tight leggings, and she was sooooo skinny, they were loose on her! Ewwwww!

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tight bra with four boobs
in the front and sausages
running down the back

rolls of fat jiggle
bursting out of too tight pants
this is not sexy

before you get dressed
in that tight mess, showing your
Camel toe - say NO!

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Take our poll! Have you had enough of the tight clothing trend?

Rolls of back fat peeping out from a too-small shirt and too-tight pants are:

Friday featured Poet: Huck's Ship

2009-09-25T08:24:00.000-04:00

I just happened to notice I had a comment to moderate - didn't realize I had that feature turned on so I apologize to "Matt" of Huck's Ship blog. He posted a wonderful poem in the comments of one of my posts. He made this Angry Poet gush with a huge "awwwwww!" So here it is - not quite in the tone of this blog, but quite provocative. Many thanks to Matt for sharing this and I hope you'll visit again and post more or request to be a featured poet! Enjoy:

Carol gives a book
It's Provocative Haiku
What's it say to me?

My name's Matt, ya see?
A Flintoid style Yankee
Live from Biloxi

Shipbuilder by trade
family man, father, husband
poems live in my heart.

Family's in V A
I toil alone for six months
Just one more week left

knowing he wouldn't,
drinking alone at the corner bar
I think of dad

cooling it
afternoon rain
boils the pool

Try as I might
I can't throw
my shadow higher

By the time
it reaches me
the thunder is over

on the glassy pond
insects skate at night
ripples across the moon

Blueberry Pie

2009-09-22T20:12:00.000-04:00

The best pie in the world is _____.

According to Ross Kahn, it's blueberry! Here's a poetry submission from him:

I can't deny
blueberry pie

And one from his lovely wife Ellen:

blueberries aren't very blue
they're more of a purple hue

Dear Readers, what is your favorite pie? Post a haiku about it in the comments. I'm getting dangerously close to my wedding date, and all snacks are off, so won't you let me live and snack vicariously through your poems? I've often stated that "I've never met a pie I didn't like!" and I even have a Top 5 pie list because I can't choose a favorite.

Top 5 Pie List:

Pumpkin
Cherry
Key Lime - but only if it will make me cry
Shoe Fly
Banana Cream

Yes, that's right - to all you Key Lime Pie Posers out there. Key Lime Pie is only good if it's made from actual limes, not lemon juice concentrate. And it better bring tears to your eyes or else it's a fake! The best Key Lime Pie in the whole world comes from Gorin's Diner in Atlanta, GA. My Mom will testify that I cried while I ate it because it was so tart - my eyes were watering like my mouth! And yet...could not...stop...eating it...

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Gorin's Diner high:
key lime pie that makes you cry!
it is to die for!

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Fall Foolishness

2009-09-21T11:28:00.006-04:00

Fall arrives tomorrow! The countdown begins for Halloween, the 2nd biggest party of the year for New Yorkers, after New Year's Eve. Every year it gets bigger, sillier, and more annoying.

Last Halloween was absolutely dreadful. I actually went to a Halloween party at a club. It was ticketed event with a 2-hour open bar. Yes, I said ticketed. For those of you who don't know how Manhattan works on major holidays, here's a crash course: restaurants and bars will have ticketed events in order to control the traffic into their establishment. Hard to believe, but there are NOT enough restaurants and bars to serve all of Manhattan AND outside visitors all looking to go out for food, fun, and drinks. So, no ticket, no entry.

These types of parties seem like a good idea - open bar, maybe they actually offer some finger foods, everyone is in costume, there's a DJ. Lots of fun, right? No so much. People drink too much on holidays. Open bars end up with more people just getting stupid. And when you've had enough, it's tough to even walk on the sidewalk with some streets being closed for Halloween parade traffic. Getting a cab is even tougher.

I've never seen so many people staggering drunk on the sidewalk and wearing cheap and ill-fitting lingerie. Halloween in New York sucks. It has become an excuse to wear underwear in public and drink to excess. You are guaranteed to see a few arguments with police, public urination, and the obligatory tourist puking on the sidewalk. When did Halloween become a day to wear lingerie? Has it always been so? Check out these vintage pictures Dover Publishing has been giving away: a witch in her underwear and what I assume is a party-goer in her "daisy dukes."

Remember when Halloween used to be about candy instead of beer? and clever costumes instead of bedroom costumes? I miss those days! Halloween used to be a great holiday for kids to hang out with friends and beg for candy. Maybe you went to a Halloween party and bobbed for apples. maybe someone's Dad put together a Haunter House. My Dad had a "walk of horror" where he would blindfold you and put your hand in different disgusting things - a bowl of spaghetti was someone's innards, a hot dog was a severed finger, a jar of olives was eyeballs! Ewwwwww! You screamed but let him put your hand in the next food item.

I'm not looking forward to this year's Halloween. We plan to have a few friends over and stay in Brooklyn, away from the drunken revelry. Maybe some kids will come by and beg for candy!

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Put on lingerie,
time for Halloween parade!
Drink, dance, and vomit.

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Election Day

2009-09-14T12:58:00.002-04:00

I'm trying to do my civic duty by getting prepared for the vote tomorrow of several local city offices. This huge brochure came in the mail a few weeks ago and I have honestly tried reading it several times. But all of the text is just empty bravado. Why does this publication even exist? Who are we supposed to believe? Will they actually do the things they promise they will do for the community? How can we check on their voting record?

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Election day blues.
You want me to vote for you,
But your words are poo.

Your propaganda
promises sound like vomits
of desperate lies.

I want to do good
but again - overwhelmed.
A useless voter.

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taking a break

2009-08-25T15:33:00.003-04:00

Provocative Haiku will be dormant for a bit while I take care of my health. Check back weekly. Thanks!

Please visit the Friday, August 14th post for haiku ideas and post 'em! and if you have ideas of subjects you'd like me to haiku about, post 'em!

Friday Featured Poet: Carol Fairman!

2009-08-21T05:00:00.001-04:00

Carol Fairman - cat owner and haiku poet

Carol is a buddy of mine from high school. We reconnected on Facebook recently. Ah, Facebook – the ultimate site for blackmail photos – like from the prom! My neighbor up the street, Justin, took her. He was that “crazy neighborhood kid” that everyone wanted to play with. So what does that tell you about Carol! LOL! Egads, she’ll tell you all about my dorky haircuts in high school. And I should get Justin to write some haiku, because I bet he has some crazy things going on inside his brain.

Anyhow, I gave away a few copies of my book to those who would review it for Amazon and she answered the call, even though she had NO IDEA what she was getting into! Bwah hah hah! I’m delighted she actually liked my book. And you get can an autographed copy of it with a personalized poem at my Etsy store! But you know what would be even cooler?! If you bought a used copy from Amazon! Because the back of the book asks readers to write their own haiku on the last page. And I have Carol’s back page haiku right here!

Sounds of soft purring
They rub on my clean black pants
fourteen pounds of fur!

I love it! Even people who don’t live with cats can relate to that one. She also wrote a few more which I thought were beautiful. They’re provocative but in a nice way. I guess this Angry Poet is getting soft. Probably has something to do with my impending wedding next month.

Warm sunshine on my face
Flooded with peace, love and joy
My God is so good.

Passion beyond words
Butterflies at every touch
Our love lasts forever

Aww! That last one really gets me. I bet she wrote it for her wonderful husband, Mike! Many thanks to Carol for letting me share these with you. If you want to be a featured poet, let me know.

Unplug

2009-08-20T09:24:00.004-04:00

I love the old school phone on this guy!

NYC police begin a crackdown TODAY on folks driving while talking on a phone. Don't do it! You might as well be driving drunk! You can trust me on that, because while doing some research, I found a picture of a horrific crash where the body of the driver was torn in two. Waaaaaaay too nasty to link to on this blog.

People, there's really no excuse for not using a "hands-free device" - also known as the FREE earpiece that has been included in the box of all new cell phones for at least 10 years now. And if I'm wrong about that, I know you can buy an earpiece cheaply. Just don't do it. And don't text while driving, either - it's the same thing. Lord, most of you can't even walk on the sidewalk and talk/text. It's just plain annoying and rude, so don't do it.

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Unplug and slow down!
Don't be ruled by your cell phone.
Multi-tasking - DUMB!

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Tune in tomorrow for a very special Friday Featured Poet!

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Poets: Call for Submissions!

2009-08-14T05:00:00.002-04:00

Haiku fans - Provocative Haiku wants you! You could be the Friday Featured Poet!

You've got pet peeves, gripes, rants. You've got funny, outrageous, shocking, thought provoking things to express. Don't you wanna be featured here on a Friday? Sure you do!

I'm even going to suggest some topics that I will be writing about in the next weeks. You can send in a haiku about any topic. Got a website? We'll promote it for you!

Upcoming Topics include:
• Celebrity Trash - like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan

• Blockbuster Movies You Love but also Hate - maybe it's Harry Potter, Twilight, Transformers, etc. or a "chick flick"

• Plastic Surgery Nightmare(s)

• What's the deal with guys blasting music out of their cars?

• People who throw trash on the ground, a few feet away from a trash can - what gives?!

• Recycling - is it helping? is it a pain in the butt?

• Bacon, cheese, and sugar - the ultimate trifecta of things we're told not to eat but we can't get enough of

• Why does the K-Town section of Manhattan always smell like fish?

• Tornado Chasers - exciting or stupid?

• First Date Fiascos

• My Job Sucks Big Time

• Who stole my office lunch? Who poked a hole in my sandwich? Who ate the last donut?

• Boobs: with great power comes great responsibility (I'm counting on you, Kender!)

• Hip fat and tight clothes - is it sexy?

• Boy Bands

• Miley Cyrus

• The best pie in the world is: _____

• Beer & shenanigans

• David Bowie (for no reason - I just want to see what you can come up with!)

You may also come up with your own crazy topics. I invite readers who are not poets to post topics in the comments to help spark the creativity!

If you want, we can compile the best ones and have a vote! You KNOW you want in on this action, so email me! If possible, include your picture so that we may gaze upon the faces of our poets.

Graffiti Truck

2009-08-10T05:00:00.000-04:00

This truck is usually on the corner of my office building. I found out from my friend (who works the lobby door) that it belongs to one of the companies in our building, and that another company in our building views it as an eyesore - so much so that they offered to pay for a parking garage spot if only they would move this truck from the side of our building.

HAH! That is funny for so many reasons. Firstly, no one on the street is going to know this truck belongs to someone in our building. Secondly, this is NYC, where graffiti is a way of life. It's everywhere! And this is actually a nice example of it - full coverage! colorful! I've seen worse. I think this truck is pretty artistic.

A friend of mine who is a HUGE fan of graffiti told me that "KUMA" is a tag of a fairly well-known graffiti artist. I've seen KUMA's tags on buildings and MTA property. I have some photos somewhere of better graffiti. There was an awesome wall of portraits in the Village that has since been painted over. I've included a crappy cell phone video of it here.

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Beat-up truck, alone
overnight, punks covered you
with wild graffiti!

Is it improvement?
Opinions differ, but all
passers-by stop, look.

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Returning Poets for this Friday

2009-08-07T05:14:00.001-04:00

I've made so many virtual friends because of this blog! And I'm so inspired by what they're doing with their poetry. I'm not a big fan of traditional poetry - I guess I'm just not girly enough to appreciate it. But a lot of the poets we've seen on this blog are not only poets - they're artists of some kind.

Let's look at Kim Northrop - she's mainly an artist and also a damn fine photographer! But I think she's really onto something with her Bitter Employee Haiku series. Just like a Dilbert cartoon, anyone with an office full of drama can relate to her poems.

We recently looked at Alan Summers from merry old England who was part of The Fourth Plinth art project. He took his opportunity to make words a very interactive experience. And I think it showed how similar people are all over the world. He was interviewed by BBC television about his idea - click here. He was also recently featured on BBC Bristol for a poetry contest they're having - you can read his entry here.

One of my Craigslist finds, Scott Raven T., has got to be one of the hardest working poets in the world! I don't know when this boy has time to pursue acting, because he is too busy creating poetry! And he does it in so many forms. He performs live (solo and with The Mayhem Poets) but he's also created some video shorts. He's currently working on material for his next tour and you can suggest topics by emailing him! (I suggested bacon, for my new friend Margaret Finnegan!). He's also part of the New Street Poets, a group of 6 poets that write and perform their own plays. The next one is due out soon, so get on their mailing list!

Scott Raven T.

Alan Summers videos:
BBC interview about my Fourth Plinth spot:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8176398.stm
Fourth Plinth video archive page:
http://www.oneandother.co.uk/participants/Alan_S

Scott Raven T.'s video shorts:
http://scottravent.com/animated

Spitting - just STOP it already!

2009-08-06T05:00:00.000-04:00

Ok, one more and I swear we will move on to cleaner territory - like the return of some awesome repeat poets tomorrow! See what some of our Friday Featured Poets are up to! One was interviewed for BBC television and another has summer performances coming up!

And now for another pet peeve - people spitting in public. For obvious reasons, no picture.

When I lived in Texas, there was nothing worse than guys partaking in the disgusting habit of "chew" - shredded tobacco you keep under the gum in front of your teeth. Do you chew it all day? Suck on it? I don't know. But I do know that guys would carry around a disposable cup - usually clear plastic - so that you could see their nasty brown spit collect... all... day... long... G-R-O-S-S-with-a-capital-G!!!!! The site of these cups would actually make me gag.

Enter my arrival at New York City, thinking I've left that all behind. And I have - no one chews tobacco here. But people do spit, for no apparent reason, on the sidewalk. Men, women, kids, teens, grandmas - hocking major loogies and spitting them on the sidewalk right in front of your feet, or if you're lucky, into a garbage can. And I'm not talking about someone with a cold who is coughing up phlegm. I'm talking about people who suddenly just... spit. What is so foul about your own saliva that you can't swallow it? What's in your mouth that needs to be ejected? And why ON THE SIDEWALK?!!!!

Somebody please enlighten me!

*

Your coughing warns me
to watch your mouth and avoid
the coming goober.

*

Waiting for the train,
suddenly you spit on ground.
Why? The can is here!

*

Glistening spit pile -
LOOK OUT! Splattered on the ground!
Watch your step - always.

*

Go Digging

2009-08-05T05:00:00.003-04:00

Another pet peeve - people picking their nose in public. Nothing is worse. Small picks are bad enough, but the folks that go digging for gold are n-a-s-t-y! For obvious reasons, again, I have no photo for this post.

Monday morning on the way to work - small, petite older woman sits down in front of us. She proceeds to "go digging" - she is really working hard to get something out of her nose. I couldn't watch, therefore I don't know the outcome. But she was pushing 60 and should know better. EWWW!!!!!

This is why I wash my hands as soon as I get to work every morning and as soon as I get home. You don't know who digged their nose, sneezed into their hand, or picked something out of their ear - and then proceeded to put their tainted hand on a subway pole or a stairway handrail that you just touched.

EWWW!!!!!

Yeah, I try not to think about it. But then someone always reminds me when they "go digging."

Are people today more disgusting than 10 or 20 years ago?

*

Subway snot digger -
residual ends up on
pole and my hand, too.

*

Swine Flu Ah-choo! at you!

2009-08-04T05:14:00.000-04:00

Coughing, wheezing jerk.
Sneezing your snot all over.
Damn! Cover your mouth!

*

Okay, my other pet peeve - people on the subway just spewing their potentially biohazardous fluids into shared air. Why doesn't everyone know to cover their mouth? Little kids know it. Doctors and nurses know it. But adults in New York City do NOT. At the height of the swine flu scare here in the city, there were people walking around the city wearing dust masks on their faces. There was an actual shortage of surgical and dust masks in the city.

About a month ago, I was on the subway train headed to work and this one guy started sneezing - over and over again. His head was whipping all over the place from the force of his sneezing. Maybe that's why he didn't feel the need to cover his mouth with his free hand. If looks could kill, then there were a dozen people murdering this guy with their angry stares because swine flu was still in the news. I was just about to say something when his sneezing fit stopped.

What's a citizen to do? Should I offer a tissue? Is it okay if I ask him to cover his mouth? Is it only okay to ask because we're all trapped in tight quarters, breathing the same air, or can I ask people on the sidewalk too? As a person exposed to strangers on a daily and hourly basis, is it my right to educate people about public manners and germs? Does anyone else experience this?

Your thoughts in the comments are appreciated! Because as a train rider, I really do stress about this situation and others of a biohazardous nature. Tune in tomorrow for more on that!

*

Lonely Rubber - vote on it!

2009-08-03T05:04:00.005-04:00

Sticky rubber mess -
why are you on the sidewalk?
Used and tossed condom!

*

YEAH! It's August and time to go back to being angry! This is one of the things that disgusts me the most - the lonely, used condom on the sidewalk. The wrapper is NEVER seen, and it's never coiled up like a little cap; it's ALWAYS stretched out, wrinkled, crumpled, and gooey - you KNOW it was used by someone. And it's ALWAYS on the sidewalk! Naked, burning in the sunlight, drying up on the hard, uncaring asphalt. Never in a public garbage can or laying on the grass or next to a tree. I've seen condoms in Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn - and believe me when I say that I COULD HAVE put a photo of it here on this blog, but it's just too nasty, even for this Angry Poet. My reaction to this scene is always the same: "Ewww!" immediately followed by "Why is it on the sidewalk? Who used this thing out in public on a street?!"

I often try to concoct stories behind the condoms. Young lovers in the back seat of car toss out the remains - get busted by their parents anyway when the wrapper is found under the car seat. Quickie behind a park tree gets interrupted and the evidence is dumped later - casually, on the sidewalk - as they nonchalantly walk away from approaching cops. And then there's the very probable "I did a hooker up against a car" or in a dark alley. (I have seen prostitutes in broad daylight - 7am on a Saturday morning, going home from a club or a job. And I've seen them at night - I know I interrupted a "sales pitch" in my old neighborhood of Ft. Greene - and this was on a quiet residential street!)

This poem is definitely going in the next book! And so, my dear readers, I have a poll for you. Which version do you like the best? The "surprise ending" haiku you just read above, or this switched up version:

Used and tossed rubber -
why are you on the sidewalk?
Stretched-out gooey mess!

I kind of like the idea of ending with the word "mess" but I'm very fond of surprise endings, as I'm sure you noticed.

Which condom haiku do you like best?

And I have another poll for you! Is this a New York City thing or have you seen it in your town? Was it on the sidewalk or a patch of grass? In a public garbage can? Have you seen lonely condoms outdoors in public and, if so, where were they located?

Have you seen a lonely condom, perhaps roasting in the sun on a sidewalk, but definitely outdoors?

If want to totally gross us out, please post your sightings in the comments! And tell us your story about you think they got there!

How's that for a Monday post?! Huh?! Things are going to get a lot grosser after this.

Friday Featured Poet: Alan Summer

2009-07-31T10:00:00.000-04:00

I have a bonafide, international, haiku poet for ya'll! He's a Japan Times Award-winning poet and published writer! Alan Summers visited Provocative Haiku during my, ahem, disagreement with The Haiku Foundation. He visited all the way from England! And I was so delighted to see his website and hear about an artistic project he was chosen for: The Fourth Plinth.

A few words about Alan, he loves books and poetry, and Manga! He runs a blog Area 17, and is also available for workshops through Worth Words, which you should definitely check out for poetry and announcements for contests with cash prizes.

Anyone familiar with Trafalgar Square? I haven't been there since 1996, but apparently there is a vacant plinth - an empty pedestal for a statue. So, Antony Gormley decided to use it by asking people to be living statues! This is a very interesting art performance concept which quickly garnered so many applicants, the winners were chosen by lottery! Ah, you crazy Brits! I think that's a wonderful testament to how much they cherish the arts over there. For more info on the project, view a short video - click here.

So, Alan Summers, international haiku poet, has an idea. He will collect Important Words and read them during his time on the Fourth Plinth.

My sincere apologies to Alan - I wanted to post this on July 24th so that you could hopefully watch him live on the Fourth Plinth, July 27th. Not sure if he streamed live, but as I recover from a severe migraine attack, I have been watching his video:
http://www.oneandother.co.uk/participants/Alan_S

You'll see in the video that Alan begins to read the Important Words he's collected along with the stories behind them. A very personal look into the private lives of today's human beings emerges: cancer, forgiveness, happiness, war, serendipity, hope. People from all over the world aren't so different from us. For the most part, we all fear and cherish the same things. A feeling of cohesiveness, connectedness between us all, results as you listen to Alan. I was very touched and tickled to be able to hear about what other people feel is important. It kind of took out the anger I need to write this blog! (I do have a soft side, but don't tell anyone!)

I think the best part of Alan's video is when he invites the crowd to turn to a stranger and tell them their Important Word. That is the ultimate in performance art participation! And I also think it's an interesting social experiment since so few people in America will talk to a stranger unless they have to. As he reads his words and the letters that accompanied them, they become very personal glimpses into the private lives of people all around the world.

There's still time to add your own important word. Under the video, you can post it in the comments section. I hope you will!

*

Alan Summers stands
on the Fourth Plinth. His reading
reveals private lives.

Our important words
inspire him and reveal
our private ideals.

Our important words
show our thoughts are connected.
Strangers become friends.

*

Job Hunter as Advertiser

2009-07-30T17:05:00.009-04:00

Every job hunting article will tell you to network, network, NETWORK! Never before has this been so critical. So start telling everyone you know that you need a job. There's no shame in it when so many people have been laid off.

One thing to consider when networking - be as personal as possible. Call instead of email. Write a note card instead of sending a letter. Attend networking events and job fairs and actually TALK to people - other job hunters. Find out what's going on in the job market for your industry. Is there a certain resume format preferred? Do you need certification or more education to be more competitive?

I used to work for a staffing agency, and I can tell you that headhunters are a great resource - when the job market is booming. What does that mean to you? By all means, register with some agencies. But now you've got to do the legwork - check out every job board you know and post your resume there! Don't just surf - put your resume on there so that people can find you. I had a headhunter actually tell me that employers are trying to cut costs, so they are looking for applicants themselves instead of using agencies.

A friend told me about the best job portal in the universe:

www.indeed.com

ALL job boards listed together so that you can search practically everything available in your area in one place! The only drawback is if the listing is on a job board you're not registered with, you have to join. Yes, it's work, but it's only costing you time.

Get a grown-up email address. Yes, it really does matter. No one can take seriously the applicant whose email is "thepartymachine@hotmail." Your email address is part of your advertising, so get a simple one.

Your resume is part of your advertising too, so tweak it for the current trend. What are the hot key words or phrases that need to be on it? Is it accomplishment-driven? Today's resume needs to show results, achievements. In other words, sell yourself.

We don't have time to give you all the advice you may need, so make sure you Google for resume tips, etc. I recommend Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com, and QuintCareers.com for advice, as well as job searching.

Okay, now you got some tools. Time to use free internet classifieds. Yes, you are going to advertise yourself on the internet!

Craigslist.org - post that resume! Then post an ad under business services if you're self-employed. If you're not self-employed, consider freelancing - post yourself as a business service and try to get some part-time work gigs.

Domesticsale.com - post an ad under services. You need work? People need help. Let them know what you can offer.

Other places where you can also offer your services:
BuySellCommunity.com
BigAppleAds.com (NY area)
MiNeeds.com - bid-based, but you can still pitch your price to someone in need of a service. Worth investigating and can be used for anything.

Do a Google search for "free classifieds ads" and see what's local to you. Most classifieds have a section where you can look for work, post your resume, or advertise yourself as available - for something, whether is business services, odd jobs, babysitting. What can you offer to people that will make money for yourself?

I know it sucks. Hang in there. The other thing you need to advertise, and this is critical, is OPTIMISM. Keep your spirits up whenever you meet someone. No one wants to help or hire a pessimist. Be cheerful, curious, courteous. And follow-up. It used to be that the early bird got the worm. Now it's the bird who shows the most interest.

And while you're taking a break from job hunting, why not make some money by selling your stuff? Ebay.com, Etsy.com, Amazon.com, and all those online classifieds you just found. Plus, you could write a blog about it! Check out Five Boxes for some ideas.

Good luck and please post your ideas in the comments section! Tomorrow we have a Friday Featured Poet, and in August, I'm back to being an angry poet!

*

It's monotonous
but necessary to post
on all the job boards.

Starting to hate it.
Always typing the same stuff!
Stupid resume!

*

Bitter Employee Haiku #177 by alkimy444
Many more t-shirts online at zazzle.com

How to Find Work, by Debby Robles

2009-07-21T05:00:00.001-04:00

Debby Robles is a good friend of mine and former co-worker from way back. Originally a New Yorker, she's been in Florida for several years now. She lost her job and has been doing everything to keep working. And I mean, everything! She inspires me!

Debby signed up with staffing agencies immediately. This is usually a safe bet, but today's economy has changed that and staffing agencies are hurting. Employers are not giving them temp assignments or direct hire job openings to fill. Employer budgets are tight and so they're holding off on hiring unless absolutely necessary. And then, they cut out the middle man and go straight to Craigslist.org to find applicants.

Debby soon found out she had a lot of competition, so she smartly "diversified" herself, letting agencies know ALL of the job titles and job tasks she could do. Please notice I didn't say job titles and job tasks she was interested in. If she can do a job, she has to consider taking it because there aren't many open job out there. If you don't do the same, you just lost a temp assignment to Debby Robles. Flexibility is key these days - if you hate data entry but you're really good at, you might want to reconsider your attitude about data entry.

Debby told me she was going to start aggressively passing out business cards and maybe even leave them around town at places of business. She was going to make the business card her mini resume and go door-to-door with it since people can easily file a card and might throw away your resume. I told her about VistaPrint.com which every job hunter needs to know about - because you can always get 250 business cards for FREE. Debby is multi-talented and a highly-skilled administrative assistant who also has some specialized skills like sales, customer service, and transcription. She asked what I thought about putting the phrase "Jane of All Trades" on her business card with a short list of skills. I told her it was brilliant!

As luck would have it, VistaPrint was having a summer sale, and Debby also got a car magnet. So, now when she's out job hunting, her car is advertising her availability and skills. Double brilliant!

If you think this idea is cheesy, you just lost a job to Debby Robles. Many businesses today use car magnets to advertise their services, so why shouldn't job hunters? By the way, go get your free car magnet now by visiting VistaPrint.com/freesummer - you have until July 31st to get it plus a bunch of other goodies. I did it! Now I have magnets and postcards. Tomorrow: more ways to advertise yourself. Send in your job tips - the first 25 get one of my free magnets!

Tips for Job Seekers - from Eric Berthoud

2009-07-19T21:19:00.003-04:00

Okay, this July we’re focusing on the creative ways people have been making a living. Last week we talked about how Elise started her own greeting card line; Nick is a self-employed freelancer; Jeff & Michelle both work but also promote their photographic talent and art on the side. Let’s talk about people looking for work. This past Friday, Bruce & I were having pizza at Bella Napoli on 7th Avenue and I noticed this postcard on the way out:

Eric Berthoud is a genius!

Eric has taken job hunting to the next level. His postcard acts like a business card, but it’s going to bring him more job leads for several reasons:

* Larger size, full color graphics is very eye-catching
* Website which has portfolio – critical for certain careers
* Mini letter of recommendation – an employer quote!
* Open-ended – he doesn’t state whether he’s looking for a full-time job or freelance gigs – just “seeking work”

I used to work for a staffing agency, and I’m so impressed with his initiative. He’s done so much more than most college graduates starting their job hunt. And with good reason – competition gets tougher for every generation and with today’s economy, you’ve got to be aggressive but also unique, clever, and for some industries, entertaining. A quick look at his website will show you Eric is very entertaining! www.eberthoud.com

Today’s economy demands that all job seekers take a clue from Eric, and by that I mean “keep your options open.” You might not get the full-time job you want. Are you willing to freelance and hunt for work? Are you willing to take on some part-time jobs? And are you willing to advertise yourself? Tune in tomorrow and I’ll give you some tips on how to advertise yourself, from my good friend Debby Robles!

Okay, it's Monday - get back to job hunting - this is the best day of the week for it! Why? Because if you don't do it now, you will get left behind in the pile of applicants who are applying right now for that job you're interested in. When there's no other way to stand out, it's best to be the earliest. Good luck!

*

Monday job hunting
Scanning job boards, applying
to hundreds of jobs.

The employers are
swamped with too many entries;
There is no reply.

But still you must try
to apply for any… all…
This job market sucks!

*

We all love butter!

2009-07-17T05:00:00.001-04:00

I don’t have a Friday Featured Poet for this Friday, but I do have an awesome one coming up! I don’t want to give away too much but he’s an actual haiku poet and he hails from “across the pond.” And he’s going to be seen live on the web as part of the Fourth Plinth project!

But for now, how about some Friday frivolity? I thought it would be silly to write a poem about butter. There are three things people in America are addicted to: bacon, cheese, and butter. And sometimes we cook things with all three! Why is it that most food jokes involve bacon, cheese, or butter? Stand-up comic Jim Gaffigan loves to eat bacon in bed. Lounge singer Richard Cheese brings cheesy to a whole new level. And Homestar Runner’s the King of Town likes to eat whole sticks of butter. If you search for “stick of butter” on YouTube, you’ll find a bunch of people eating a whole stick of butter. What’s the appeal? What makes butter so seductive?!

I have to shamefully admit, I have thought of eating a stick of butter. But then I come to my senses. Ew!

Butter is one of the most evil things on the planet because it tastes so good, but only produces the misery of zits! have you ever noticed that? One giant cookie from a bakery gives you one giant zit. You know you shouldn't eat a lot of butter, but you do it anyway - even though you KNOW you will get a zit. Such is the power of butter, grasshoppers. Think on that and comment in haiku, won't you?

*

Shiny yellow stick
Tempts me to grease baking pans
And make some cookies

You slick tube of fat!
Making cookies so tasty,
Soul-satisfying.

But you are evil!
Because you make me do things…
I ate ALL … alone.

*

Reiki + Fashion Photography = Michelle Shinagawa

2009-07-16T05:00:00.000-04:00

Are you inspired by the freelancers we've featured so far? Here's another awesome artist: Michelle Shinagawa! Michelle has a full-time job, but like most artists, it's not enough to work for a fabulous ad agency, she must create her own works of art! You will be amazed by her fashion photography and soothed by her Reiki photography. Michelle is a tri-lingual world traveler, a Reiki master and teacher, and an artist. Whew! I get tired just thinking about half the stuff she's involved in. Michelle has a wonderful eye for detail and composition. I think her Reiki photography might inspire you to write haiku, just like Elise Sherman's! Although it will not inspire you to write haiku for this blog.

From her bio:
Michelle Shinagawa grew up in Osaka surrounded by the overwhelming amount of beauty of Japan's unique culture. At an early age, inspired by this beauty, she developed her own sense of style. Later she went on to study photography at the Rochester Institute of Technology to learn the technical aspects of how to capture and share with the world, what she sees in her mind.

Make sure you check out her website: www.MichelleShinagawa.com
and don't forget to click on Reiki Photography! I promise you will be transported to another world.

*

Hey poets, speaking of other worlds, Politiku has a call for submissions regarding the 40th anniversary of the first lunar landing! The deadline is this Friday! Check it out now and write your otherworldly Politiku! As a David Bowie fan, I feel I must, so here's my submission:

It's ground control to
Major Tom - a song becomes
a reality.

A walk on the moon
instead of cold space! and they
all come home to wives!

One small step into
the final frontier leads to
more innovation.

*

More on the elusive fly...Jeff Terzi

2009-07-15T05:00:00.000-04:00

Nick & Jeff & hats on a Connecticut beach

Hey, you know how Nick Terzi likes to wear "old man hats"? Well, hat wearing kinda started with his brother, Jeff Terzi. In response to Nick's poem yesterday, Jeff Terzi shares this poem, which can only be experienced in Courier font:

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzListenztozthezsoundzofzazflyzatzazz windowzzzzzbuzzingzzzbuzzingzzzbuzzing zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzcannotzstopzbuzzingzcannotzstopz tryingzcannotzhelpzfromzdyingzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zcannotzseezwhatziszholdingzhimzbackzz zzzzzcanzonlyzseezthezhumanzattackzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzpersonzwithzazmagazinezcanzonlyzsee zwhatzthezflyzcanzseezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzcannotzstopzswattingzcannotzstopz cursingzcannotzstopzkillingzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzcannotzstopzthezsoundzofzthezflyzatz thezwindowzzbuzzingzzbuzzingzzbuzzingz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzcannotzstopzthezbuzzingzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzconnatzstopzthezbuzzingzzzzzzzz

You've seen Jeff here before. He's a photographer, retoucher, artist, sometime poet, and he's adding to his amrtial arts repertoire by studying Kendo. Visit his site for dreamlike photography and amazing transformations of retouched photos!

www.jeffterzi.com

Hey, are you self-employed, freelancing, or looking for a job? Tell us about it! We'll feature you here.

The Ninja Fly by Nick Terzi

2009-07-14T05:00:00.002-04:00

Nick Terzi has appeared on this blog before. He likes to wear understated plaid shirts and an "old man hat." LOL! He's my cousin and I love him - he's a sci fi geek like me. Here's his first poetry debut! It's not a haiku, but it cracked me up and I think it's something we can all relate to! I feel a bit humbled by my "poetry fight" last week, so maybe we'll feature some other forms of poetry on this blog. But, the rest of this month is dedicated to budding entrepreneurs, forced to adapt to this sucky economy. Nick has adapted many times over the years, and he's not afraid to be self-employed. Nick is always looking for freelance work and he's an awesome flash developer and programmer. His website is one of the coolest I've seen and he also wrote the music for it: www.nickterzi.com

*

July 11, 2009, Nick Terzi writes:

You are asking to be killed
Buzzing around my office
Flying around my head
Nearly touching my hair
I try to squash you but miss
You pause long enough for me to let my guard down
I try to work but you buzz me again
And again
I swat at you with my clipboard
Seemingly knocking you out of the sky
But I am wrong
For a minute later you are back to antagonize me
You even land directly

On the face

Of my monitor

And then try to land on my hand

In a purposeful attempt to provoke me

My ire grows wildly as you evade my more than twenty attempts at taking your life
I upgrade my weapon of death

And yet you still escape it

You are so much more skilled than your peers
I squashed them easily
More skilled not by a few points
But by many degrees
You are quite the ninja fly

But I am determined

I've entitled this: The Ninja Fly

And as of this writing... he's still buzzing around here somewhere.

*
I can actually picture Nick hunting this fly in his office! He inspired me to write the following:

A fly is buzzing
And I am hunting it - SWAT!
I am the winner!

But alas, I'm not!
Fly has escaped - still buzzing,
the chase continues.

SWAT! SWAT! CRASH! BOOM! SWAT!
My office is destroyed and
the telephone rings.

Client with more work
distracts me and for now the
fly is the winner.

*

A lift for your Monday...Florals By Elise

2009-07-13T05:00:00.001-04:00

Hey, today's economy and job market sucks! I've got a lot of unemployed friends and some of them have decided to be entrepreneurs. Ultimately, new business is what will turn around the economy and provide new jobs. But it doesn't happen overnight.

One brave soul is a former co-worker of mine: Elise Sherman! I didn't know about her passion for photography until recently, and she has an eye for beauty - the kind that inspires haiku poetry, but for other sites besides mine. :)

You will not be disappointed when you check out her extreme close-ups of flowers, tulips, and orchids. She offers prints and greeting cards - take a look here:
www.floralsbyelise.com

Artist Bio:

Elise L. Sherman began taking pictures in her early teens, snapping images of her family and friends. Over the years, her travels provided her with the opportunity to broaden her horizons and her passion for beauty started to evolve.

Whether she is walking in her neighborhood or exploring the beautiful botanical gardens, Elise always has her camera in hand so she can capture the beauty she sees around her.

I think it's safe to say we can expect her things to pop up in Manhattan boutiques and gift stores very soon. I tried to get Elise to write a haiku for her debut here, but she emphatically stated "I'm a photographer, not a poet!" If you buy something from her, make sure you tell her she owes me a poem!

*

Economy stinks!
Job hunters forced to rethink
opportunities.

Florals By Elise -
flowers you can almost smell.
They smell good - like hope.

*

Economy stinks!
Florals By Elise do not!
Check it out and buy!

Florals By Elise -
flowers you can almost smell.
They smell like money.

That second one is actually the first variation I wrote, and I hope it doesn't sound tacky to say her flower photos "smell like money." I meant it in the sense that they are beautiful and people will want to buy them and use them. Money gets a bad rap from the greed of AIG and Bernie Madoff. But making money is essential to getting out of this economic slump, and I think we all desperately want some money right now. We need more entrepreneurs like Elise!

I wish Elise all the best for her hobby to become a successful and profitable career! And if you've been forced to re-think your job opportunities and you're trying something new, tell us about it! And if you've lost your job and want to rant about it in the form of a haiku, I hope you'll post it here!

Saturday Shameless Self-Promotion

2009-07-11T16:35:00.004-04:00

Well, it's been quite a week following the maelstrom of comments I started on The Haiku Foundation's post about Susanna Speier and the 5-7-5 syllable format. So I think I should promote my book!!!

Of course, Provocative Haiku is available on Lulu and Amazon, but now you can get an author-signed copy at my Etsy store! And for fun, you can also get me to create a personal haiku, just for you, and I'm throwing in a free postcard from my Zazzle store. It's a poetry lover's dream!

In yer face, Haiku Foundation! While you stay busy lamely droning on about the history of haiku and other poetry styles, I'm published! nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!
*

Malicious Anal-Retentive Nerds

2009-07-06T13:31:00.007-04:00

OMG, Henry Rollins said it best on "A Rollins in the Wry" - poets are "a miserable f*cking bunch for the most part" who only write "revenge poems for the other @sshole poets in the room" of a poetry reading.

I have just been slammed by the The Haiku Foundation's malicious group of nerds! To be fair, I set myself up for it. All I wanted to express was my outrage at their criticism of Susanna Speier's blog, because they feel she's too strict in accepting submissions of the traditional 5-7-5 syllable format. I posted a comment quickly and emotionally, obviously didn't make the point I wanted to make, and also didn't really look around their website to see what kind of brainy anal-retentive folks would be picking it apart for their own perverse, scholarly pleasure.

Hey, Haiku Foundation nerds, pardon me for having my own rigid opinion - because I do have a rigid opinion - but you don't have to make me look uneducated. I DO realize that there is a language difference between Japanese and English, so a Japanese haiku would not fit the 5-7-5 format. But if you're English speaking, then we're defining the format as 5-7-5 syllables for haiku poems written in English.

And yes, I DO know that there are other "formats" for haiku - if you can call them that. I mean, what's the point of working outside a definition? By changing the definition, you have now eroded the meaning of the word. If you want to write in other formats, that's fine. But in my opinion, you're now writing a poem and not a haiku poem. I really don't care that other forms of haiku have been around for centuries. The challenge of "traditional" haiku is to stick to the format, and any master can do it without padding syllables or changing the format by adding syllables. Hey, why don't you nerds educate me on why other forms of haiku came about? I'm guessing it's because the old haiku masters got better and better at writing poetry and wanted to express more complex ideas, which resulted in longer formats being developed. Does that make the short 5-7-5 format irrelevant or less worthy of our attention? Why do you view the 5-7-5 format as strict instead of simply just different?

It's just a shame that they're so snobby about haiku that they didn't focus on the point of Susanna's blog - to express strong emotions about timely topics. Does it matter that she chose to accept only "traditional" haikus in the 5-7-5 format? No, it doesn't matter. Because if you were any kind of good poet, you would be able to write within the format instead of snubbing your nose at it. And yes, I do think other haiku formats erode the genre and are used by wussies who don't deserve to call themselves haiku poets or wordsmiths. I'll grant that they may call themselves poets, but not haiku poets. That just means I'm stubborn, not stupid.

I don't care how many people are writing "modern" forms of haiku because most haiku is a bunch of flowery crap. By expanding the number of "allowable" syllables, you can write even longer crap. The challenge of haiku is to write something powerful or elegant and to write it concisely. The point of my blog, and I think Susanna's also, is to hit the reader with a powerful punch. Obviously there is a market for "modern" haiku poetry. Provocative Haiku and Politiku do not fit that market. And I think that's ok, so please don't disregard the awesome poetry that has been submitted to both of our blogs. Every one of my Friday Featured Poets has tremendous talent, and most of them are writers in other genres of literature.

In conclusion, they are "poet snobs" and so am I! I have now officially become part of the "miserable bunch" of poets, so of course I had to write a revenge poem:

Poet scholars slam
the 5-7-5 format -
but can you write it?

*
P.s. If you want to know why I didn't post a second response on their blog, it's because they're poet snobs and so am I. No good can come of it.

P.p.s. today's photo, "Sour Grapes," is from Sally Minker who has photo art that's worth taking a look at! Very creative and bizarre! www.SallyMinker.com

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Angry Poets: a call for submissions!

2009-07-02T23:06:00.004-04:00

Happy Birthday, America!

And what better way to celebrate our independence than to “wax politic” and tell you about Susanna Speier! Ms. Speier is well-versed in provocative haiku, and she’s taken it a step further: Politiku! Yes, folks – haiku all about politics! And just like Uncle Sam, she wants you – to submit your work.

Currently, in July she’ll be traveling, and at this writing, her latest call for submissions has past. But, dear poets, she returns with twice monthly calls for work in August. Here’s how it works – she blogs about a topic – usually something to get your blood boiling good – and then asks for a haiku on that topic. She writes for the Huffington Post, so you know your stuff will get great exposure!

Visit her blog to learn more. Susanna is a delightful, multi-talented woman. Here’s her short bio:

Susanna Speier grew up in Washington, D.C. and has been immersed in political discourse ever since she can remember. Inevitably, she went on to pursue a career in the theater and now in the motion picture industry. Still a relative newbee to the film and television world, she is currently being mentored in screenwriting by Rod Lurie in Los Angeles. Her stage plays have performed at The Tenri Cultural Center, the World Financial Center, HERE Arts Center, The Cocteau Theater, Cornelia Street Café, and Collective Unconscious in New York City. Plays have also been staged at AIA Actors Studio in Los Angeles and at theaters in the UK and in The Netherlands.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susanna-speier
http://www.susannaspeier.com/politiku/

Kids, freedom ain’t free. We are free to express our opinions, outrage, scorn, satire, ridicule or anger. And we enjoy this freedom because of men and women in the military, in a public office, and even crotchedy old buggers who write complaints to the President. Please take a moment to thank a veteran or service person. And please enjoy your BBQ and fireworks responsibly.

*

Soldier overseas:
Thank you for my peace. This beer -
I raise it to you!

*

Friday Featured Poets: Charles Antin & Mike Moser!

2009-07-02T22:25:00.003-04:00

Hello poetry fans! We have TWO featured poets for this Friday. Charles Antin and Mike Moser like to incite each other by trading haikus! Charles told me he loves provocative haikus! He and Mike "have been friends for two years and have been writing haikus back and forth for at least a year. [We] enjoy Cuban food, fine claret, and Blackberry messenger.”

And you can read their Crackberry exchange here!

I love their stuff! Not only did it make me laugh out loud, but I feel it’s a perfect glimpse into the life of a New York city dweller. My suburban friends might find it shocking and a bit raw, but it’s honest and reflects our daily lives here in Gotham. I also love how they feed off of each other’s creativity and fire off their haiku spontaneously. I can see them texting furiously on their Crackberries. As a writer, I think it’s so awesome to be able to watch someone else’s creative process. So, as Charles suggested, I’ve left the time stamps on these. Charles also told me that he and Mike did a "head to head haiku slam" at a bar one time and I bet it was hilarious! Please comment on their work and tell them to do another haiku jam because I'd love to see it.

Here’s what he sent me – enjoy!

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Haiku From Hunt's Point:

-----Original Message-----
From: Antin, Charles
Sent: Sunday, February 15, 2009 2:11 PM
To: Moser, Michael
Subject: Re: Valentine's Haiku

Brunch is my saviour
From those long night girl-less blues
Hair of the dog please

----- Original Message -----
From: Moser, Michael
To: Antin, Charles
Sent: Sun Feb 15 13:56:05 2009
Subject: Re: Valentine's Haiku

Endless meat skewers
Best Valentine's bad drunk cure
Churrascaria

----- Original Message -----
From: Moser, Michael
To: Antin, Charles
Sent: Sun Feb 15 02:31:50 2009
Subject: Re: Valentine's Haiku

Fake blonde haired she male
I want to punch his face in
But I love Brazil

----- Original Message -----
From: Antin, Charles
To: Moser, Michael
Sent: Sun Feb 15 01:39:48 2009
Subject: Re: Valentine's Haiku

Sup, son, heard you's down
I roll gutta, nigga what?
Find me in the club.

----- Original Message -----
From: Moser, Michael
To: Antin, Charles
Sent: Sun Feb 15 01:24:59 2009
Subject: Re: Valentine's Haiku

Slutty skank, what's up?
I heard you have crabs and such
I live down the block

----- Original Message -----
From: Antin, Charles
To: Moser, Michael
Sent: Sun Feb 15 01:13:58 2009
Subject: Re: Valentine's Haiku

Tonight: billyburg
Tomorrow: hangoverville
Population: me

*
Some miscellaneous ones from our email exchange:

Enjambment is a
Pretty cheap way to write a
Haiku, don't you think?

*

Asleep on the train
Almost at Coney Island
I see a seagull!"

*

Hah! The Billyburg one is my favorite! Okay, I promised a shout out to Susanna Speier. Let’s give Charles and Mike their Friday fame. Then tomorrow, we'll devote some time to Susanna and her awesome take on haiku – Politiku! Poets, get your provocative haiku ready because she has a call for submissions!

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Friday Featured Poet: T. Raven Scott - a real poet!

2009-06-26T05:00:00.000-04:00

Ohmigosh, I am so excited to offer you the latest in our poets who answered the call for submissions on Craigslist. I got us a bonafide poet: Scott Raven T.! An actor, poet, and writer, he’s part of The Mayhem Poets, a performance group with a mission to change the way you think about poetry shows. And he even has a poet beret, so you KNOW he's not fooling around!

“Scott Raven AKA T. Raven Scott loves carrot juice and William Carlos Williams. He is a silly sack of toys forged inside Santa's hip-hop-workshop from a mold of Frosty the snow man's nose and a Rudolph red wheelbarrow. He's a Mayhem Poet, actor and writer living in Brooklyn. Check his website and his spoken word CD, Crossing Roads Less Travelled, on ITUNES.”

Check out his videos and even buy his CDs at his website:
www.ScottRavenT.com
www.MayhemPoets.com

I hope he does a show in NYC soon! The New York Times has described their show as “The Simpsons meets Malcolm X at a Notorious B.I.G. concert.” YEAH!!!!! I'm there! Let's enjoy a brief sampling of his work.

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Three Movie Review Haikus for T. Raven Scott

1.
Watching the Sixth Sense
I ruin the ending for Jewel
Bruce Willis Is Dead.

And now so am I.
Despite death, she still sees me
Jewel sees dead people.

2.
First rule of Fight Club...
You do not talk about it.
Poor advertising.

3.
"Force strong in this one,"
says Yoda to the Jedi.
Is he dyslexic?

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Misc. Haikus

*

OJ killed his wife
Beat her to a bloody pulp
I like juice without.

*

George W. Bush
thought a haiku was hello
to overthrowing.

*

I wrote a haiku
without adhering to form
instead of five used six.

*

Kurt Cobain is dead
Said the shotgun to the head
Smells like teen spirit.

*

Mommy Power Struggles

2009-06-25T05:00:00.003-04:00

What is the deal with New York City moms and their baby strollers?! I totally get it that the sidewalks are crowded and they have places to go. It’s got to be annoying for them to navigate while pushing a heavy stroller, sometimes with wheels that don’t want to cooperate. My problem is with the moms on a wide open sidewalk that feel the need to push their stroller toward me. What the hell?! It’s like they’re pissed off at everyone! They’re even pissed off at other moms, because I’ve seen two mothers pushing strollers in opposite directions and they didn’t budge for the mom headed towards them. There’s some sort of unspoken power struggle going on and I’m sick of it!

*

Fast baby strollers
Barreling down the sidewalk -
Better watch your feet!

*

Angry moms pushing
Strollers, hogging sidewalks to
Claim territory.

A power struggle
for space – the strollers like tanks
crushing opposers!

Don’t get in the way!
Immovable, they push on -
You must step aside.

*

Mom with a stroller,
don’t push that thing towards me -
I’ll kick your baby.

*

Office Sluts

2009-06-24T05:00:00.000-04:00

Everyone has seen this at least once - the illicit office romance that you know is doomed - a train wreck that everyone watches in anticipation of the crash. It's sooooo grade school, and so obvious to everyone except the lovers.

*

Office Romance
They sneak around, it’s
Pathetic because we know -

But pretend we don’t.
They’re naïve to believe us
blind to the changes.

Subtle at first, but
then they got comfortable,
sloppy, obvious.

They’ve been seen kissing,
Elevator video.
Hah! They’re so stupid.

We watch and play dumb.
Gossip flies behind their backs.
Soon spouses will know.

*

*
My new favorite comic! see the rest of the above "cartoon" here:
http://www.cubiclecartoon.com/cubicle_cartoon.cgi?id=20
*

Slutty Office Wear

2009-06-23T05:00:00.000-04:00

A long time ago, somebody started the idea that it was okay to dress like a porn star at the office. I'm going to blame it on Heather Locklear's miniskirts on "Melrose Place." The trend is still prevalent on TV today, and in New York City, you see girls and women everywhere copying it. Hey, I'm all for dressing however you want. But don't expect to get any respect at the office. You are kidding yourself if you think your boobs don't have power over men. And in the office, they have the power to destroy your integrity. I probably sound old-fashioned saying that, but it's the truth. There is hard science behind how you dress at the office correlates to your success at getting ahead. Think about it before you wear something like this to your office job:

It's pure stupidity to think that TV reflects real life. Do yourself a favor and don't copy what celebrities are doing on TV. And I hope I don't have to point out that reality TV is not reality at all - I know someone who produces some of those shows. What is it about a TV camera that brings out the worst in people? A haiku for another time.

*

Little girl in heels
Clicking the sidewalk, to work:
Big city office.

We can tell you just
graduated and you
watch too much TV

because your short skirt
barely covers your butt cheeks,
(hope you wear panties)

And your boobs displayed
from your cleavage busting out
from a tight jacket.

You dream of boss’s
acknowledgement, promotion,
career advancing.

But you spin your wheels
because you look like a whore,
not an employee.

TV misled you -
Not proper office dress code.
You wonder at it -

You get some perks but
no one takes you serious.
And HE gets the raise!

You feel TV lied
but it’s a corporate job,
not a techno club.

You haven’t yet learned:
to dress for the rat race game,
put your boobs away.

*

Boobs! bonus from Kender MacGowan

2009-06-22T05:00:00.000-04:00

A special bonus for your dreary Monday morning! BOOBS! The following is not a haiku, but it's very well written and I know it will make you smile.

An Ode to the Boob
by Kender MacGowan

They jiggle they bounce
They wiggle and sway
Mounds of perfection
On chests as they lay
Whether large ones
Or small ones
Or ones in between
Call them breasts
Call them boobies
Or fun bags supreme
The size doesn’t matter
Nor does what they’re named
Flash a pair at a man and
He’ll soon be quite tamed
Young lads become speechless
And old farts will smile
When a pair is popped out
With wink and some wile
We care not if they’re natural
Or enhanced quite a bit
They thing that we wonder
Can we play with the tit
So excuse us our glares
Our sly looks and our leers
But they’d be so much better
If they’d just dispense beers

*

Well said! Remember, you can enjoy more of Kender's work by reading his book. Check out Shattered Ashen Heart which is available at
https://www.createspace.com/3370372

Join us tomorrow for a different point of view about boobs.

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Saturday Shameless Self-Promotion

2009-06-20T05:00:00.000-04:00

Hey, have you visited the Angry Poet store? Not only can you buy my book on Lulu or Amazon, but you can buy my poems! on things! things you could use or wear! You can even put YOUR poems on things! Visit the store for all your favorite haikus from the blog:

Stupid Big Toe Nail!

Zoltar, do you know?

It's too much information!

Or check out the Angry Poet mascot customizable items. Make a poem on a greeting card and mail it to your friend. And don't forget to post your poem here!

I hope that visiting my Zazzle store inspires you to start your own store, or at least think of Zazzle when you want a truly unique t-shirt for your self or a personalized gift. There are so many talented artists on Zazzle. Thank you for looking!

For the Angry Poet Store, click the link below:
Provocative Haiku
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Friday Featured Poet: Kender MacGowan

2009-06-19T05:00:00.004-04:00

Yay for Craigslist! We have a real author joining us today. Kender MacGowan is “a poet, comedy writer, improv artist and storyteller. I have three books in the wings and one published, write for several websites and spend much of my time holding debates with myself about pulpy vs. non pulpy OJ.”

Kender’s achingly raw book, Shattered Ashen Heart is available at
https://www.createspace.com/3370372

It’s a roller coaster ride of punches to the gut and not for the faint-hearted. If you’ve ever survived a nasty heartbreak, you’ll totally relate to his pain. Although, you wouldn’t think he was so romantic and heartbroken after reading what he submitted for our Provocative Haiku pleasure! So many favorites – I put them in bold! Please comment on your favorites, too!

*

Insomniac wine
Produces twisted thinking
Childhood is lost

Fear not peruser
Fiction of the mind is here
Big Bird is still pure

Elmo screams aloud
But his pleas fall on deaf ears
Bert and Ernie laugh

Floor creaks in the night
Big Bird heaves a lustful sigh
Elmo screams again

Big Bird loads his gun
Dropping ratings threaten job
Teletubbies die

Teletubbies drop
Like flies in a mist of Raid
Big Bird must reload

Soft moans in the night
Signal Muppets on the prowl
Oscar looks for love

Big Birds young groupies
Defile the letter A
When the tapings done

Barney runs like hell
Big Birds on the prowl again
Looking for fresh meat

Kermit makes breakfast
Bacon and ham and sausage
Miss Piggy tastes good

Mickey and Minnie
Dance and trip the night away
XTC is king

Territory marked
He's just doing his duty
Pluto wanders on

Jiminy Cricket
Sat upon the bank singing
Until the frog ate

Mickey and Goofy
In a compromising way
The tabloids say

Buzz and Woody sit
At the gate of The Kingdom
Checking out the girls

There is nothing like
A six-dollar hamburger
To piss you off good

Popcorn on Main Street
Sticks between my teeth and now
I'm thirsty for Coke

Three-dollar sodas
Are made with too much syrup
Now I need water

I have been in line
Waiting for this got danged ride
Forever it seems

The Tiki Room song
Plays in my head forever
I will go insane

It’s a small small world
Instead of tiki room song
I must kill myself

Mowgli and Snow White
Well you know how nature is
She's not so white now

The dwarves are angry
Mowgli is trying to hide
In the pirates ride

I so enjoy
The chocolate covered ants
Oops I just ate Flick

The Toon Town Trolley
The late night debauchery
You get the picture

Dopey elected
President of The U.S.
I am not joking

*

We have some extra bonus material from Kender which inspired me to write some haiku. Come back next week for more poetry, and buy his book! It's an awesome read.

Upcoming Friday Featured Poets:
-- June 26: Scott Raven, a bonafide performing poet!
-- July 3: crackberry addict Charles Antin and his poet sidekick Michael Moser, plus a write up on Susanna Speier and her Politiku website

*

I hate fragrance! part 2

2009-06-18T05:00:00.003-04:00

Aerial view of traffic from my office on Madison Avenue.

People, why is it suddenly okay for everyone to douse themselves in gallons of perfume, cologne, and body sprays? I'm pretty sure we're not all that smelly. But thanks to the fragrance industry, we're truly surrounded by the clouds of fragrance that follow people. I have had to cross the street to get away from someone's trailing odor. I've had to move to opposite ends of the subway car to get away from the artificial stank of someone who doesn't know how to use these body products. If your on a bus, forget it! You are trapped in the stench. And air fresheners are getting out of control too! I've had to turn down cabs because they wreaked of perfume. I stopped going to one spa because their idea of aromatherapy was to burn 6 candles, all of them different scents; it didn't promote relaxation - only vomit.

I've got news for these abusers: you're not attracting people, you're repelling them. Think about that before you decide to sweeten your business place or get ready for an important meeting. It's been said that depression kills a person's sense of smell. Perhaps today's economy and the multitudes of jobless people have something to do with this. If you lost your job, I feel for you, I really do. But consider this: if you're too stinky, the job interviewer is going to find some way to cut the interview short, and that's a fact I learned from working at a staffing agency.

People, please cut down on this offending habit. I'm probably too late, as just last week I was out walking and I had to cross the street because a 7 year old - yes, a 7 year old - was wearing too much perfume.

*

Crowded and smelly,
people everywhere wearing
the latest perfume.

You choke, you smell them
from twenty feet, it's wafting
trailing behind them.

Amazing you can't
smell yourself and see people
avoiding your stench.

Every day stinky
because you apply too much,
no longer smell it.

The new pollution -
thick, sickly sweet smells blending.
Makes me want to puke.

I hate the fragrance
biz - now even small kids
offending my nose.

*

City Noise

2009-06-17T16:00:00.000-04:00

Hey, look! I actually got a decent picture of the Empire State Building, even though I implied it was impossible in an earlier rant.

I'm home for the second day with a migraine that will not quit. I can no longer take Imitrex because it may be the cause of my headaches - rebound headaches from too much medication - OTC or prescription. Or, as my neurologist likes to call it: "chronic daily headache" syndrome. I desperately need to see a specialist and I'm attempting to get an appointment with one. The whole thing is very frustrating. You do all these preventive things and you get a headache anyway. I've started reading the book "The Keeler Migraine Method" and in it, Dr. Robert Cowan explains how migraine is a disease. Headaches can pop up for no reason. The worst part about being a person who gets migraines is realizing that the condition is a disease and you will never truly have control over it. It really makes living in the city a challenge. Every little noise and smell is amplified and painful. Even a little bit of light is annoying.

Neighbors and construction are the worst part of it. We live next door to a child that, I swear, has psychiatric problems and I've had a few mothers say this to me when I tell them that he has tantrums several times per HOUR. It's not normal. His screaming is hard to listen to, and it's excruciating when I have a migraine. And then there are the kids in the back of our building that, honestly, can play basketball for 5 hours straight. On the weekend, they are outside ALL DAY. It's maddening.

I love living in the city, except when I have a migraine. But, it provides plenty of material for this blog!

*

Constant screaming kid,
throwing things out the window,
screeching and yelling.

Your mother - a saint -
because she hasn't smacked you.
I know that I would.

*

Why are there always
power tools buzzing somewhere
when my head hurts bad?

*

Noisy kids playing
basketball, pounding pavement
and pounding my head.

*

Kid on a skateboard,
delivery man on bike,
mother with stroller -

Walking the sidewalk,
folks seem to move towards me -
Get out of the way!

*

The many forms of "foot traffic"

2009-06-15T05:00:00.003-04:00

Motorized scooter tied up in front of the SIBL Library.

New Yorkers are not content to merely walk or drive to work. Oh, no. We want new and interesting ways to RIDE in the city. In addition to bikes, skateboards, and motorized wheelchairs, I have seen kids and adults on Razor scooters, Ripstiks (stick skateboard), Vespas, Segways, roller blades, roller skates, and even sneakers with retractable wheels. It wouldn't be so bad except someone from every category has tried to do this on the sidewalk during rush hour. Some days, I really hate being a pedestrian.

But, on a more positive note, during the transportation strike a few winters ago, it was truly amazing to see all the different ways people were utilizing to get to work. I saw them while I walked the Manhattan Bridge. I saw people with crutches making their way to work on the bridge. Wow. And it was bitterly cold outside. I guess New Yorkers really love their jobs. More likely, they really need the money.

*

Motorized scooter -
Of all ways trying for speed,
you are slowest, but --

Segway on sidewalk
Is the lamest! Annoying,
pompous, lazy ride.

*

View of Manhattan Bridge from a restaurant on the South Street Seaport pier. I love this photo because it looks so real! We're not really sitting next to each other. Bruce worked his Photoshop magic and pieced 2 photos together.

*

Friday Featured Poet: Matthew Harris

2009-06-12T05:00:00.004-04:00

Well, I had to use Craigslist to find some poets, and they did not disappoint! Our first is Matthew Harris from Pennsylvania!

He calls himself the “bard of Belmont Hills” and “enjoys fiddling with the basic building blocks of English language to express his ordinary sentient sentiments!” He has a “fascination with uncommon ways of communication, digression, elocution and expression gives many an unsuspecting recipient indigestion!”

His bio in his own words is hilarious so even though it’s long, I had to include it:

“Aesthetics = usual blue billy jean king crimson casual appearance; Age = ah, this just an arbitrary number, but truth be told I made one cold winter day nearly half century ago -- see boithday for specifics; Belief = atavistic, born again rehashed nonestablishmentarian unitarian; Birthday = January thirteenth nineteen hundred and fifty nine; Chest = mostly hairless and flat; Economic hierarchy = one of the commoners or regular layman presently trudging over rocky terrain, yet who hopes to till fertile ground whence the orders from king george overruled by a less abominable regime; Eye color = hazel o leary; Face = angular, clean shaven and somewhat narrow; Feet = between size 8 - 9 and each counting five fingers apiece, which variation depends on the new york sock market; Hair color = somewhat brown, longish and wavy with an increasing number of silver follicles; Health = disease and drug free or a more apt metaphor would be fit as a fiddle with a tendency to become unstrung; Height = about seventy inches or about five feet and ten inches; Hobbies = arithmetic, chess, computer trouble shooting, cooking, contra-dancing, crossword puzzles, cryptograms, exercising, meditating, reading about sex while walking the walk and writing my autobiography; Legs = slightly covered with hair and also skinny; Location = ardmore, bala cynwyd, belmont hills, city line, lower merion - all those place names about a dozen miles west of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania including the planet uranus.”

And now for his work - Enjoy!

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Zison family rage
unforgivable loathing
threaten eviction!

*

Sibling rivalry
contention daily affair
foments name calling!

*

At a half century
nostalgic for boyhood day
blissful innocence!

*

Pledged troth smitten love
marriage devoid of pleasure
fancy liaison!

*

Deux daughters special
eden and shana their names
wished to father son!

*

Woebegone childhood
fosters unrequited dreams
mortality teases!

*

If you’d like to be a Friday Featured Poet, just send me at least 3 haikus (hopefully fitting the tone of this blog) and a bio about yourself.

Upcoming Friday Featured Poets:
-- June 19: Kender MacGowan, a bonafide author!
-- June 26: Scott Raven, a bonafide performing poet!
-- July 3: crackberry addict Charles Antin and his poet sidekick Michael Moser, plus a write up on Susanna Speier and her Politiku website

Be here every Friday! It's where all the cool kids will be hanging out!
*

Crackberry addicts should be slapped!

2009-06-11T05:00:00.003-04:00

Photo above: construction - part of the daily landscape on the city. Hard to navigate around, and there's ALWAYS some boob trying to walk and text in the thick of it.

Maybe I'm a crotchedy old bugger, but I can not stand the newest bad habit in today's society - walking and texting. Cell phone, Blackberry, iPhone - doesn't matter. It's just as bad as those nerds that try to walk and read the newspaper. Do us all a favor and just put it down!

*

Crackberry addict!
Pay attention – put it down
before I slap you!

*

You Crackberry freak,
trading people for plastic!
Loser with no life.

*

Preferring to text,
your life is digital, you
have no social skills.

*

Slave to the device:
thinking you’re important but
no one gives a crap!

*

Little Chinatown in Brooklyn

2009-06-10T05:00:00.002-04:00

This past weekend, Bruce & I went to "Little Chinatown" in Brooklyn because we sometimes get a hankering for sweet buns and pork rolls. I should know better than to go there after noon because that when everyone is awake and out of church. It was crowded just like Canal Street in Manhattan. And everyone is just wandering aimlessly and yet pushing you at the same time. I should have taken some pictures of all the crazy market stuff, but I was too annoyed. Let's just say it's pretty weird to see giant mounds of dried mushrooms just out in the open air in a wooden bin. And piles of alien-looking ginger roots. The meat markets are always gross with their BBQ duck in the window - long, skinless bodies hanging from their long necks, but headless. And the fish markets are always fun - lots of live animals squirming in buckets - toads, turtles, eels, crabs, prawns. There's always one fiesty crab trying to escape and there's always some guy watching him and tossing him back in the bucket. Dude, get a taller bucket!

*

The Chinese market
filled with aromatic herbs
which are good for you.

I am skeptical –
wasabi paste like vomit,
raw ginger like poo.

*

Everywhere the smell
of fish, wriggling eels, and crabs
trying to escape

from their water filled
buckets lining the sidewalk,
dodging grabbing hands!

And me dodging wheels
from many baby strollers
and old lady carts!

*

Sales Calls

2009-06-09T05:00:00.000-04:00

*

Telemarketers
How do I love to hang up?
Let me count the ways…

*

It’s never ending:
vendors call with discount deals,
hungry for my cash.

Stupid recession!
They keep pushing for the sale
of stuff we don’t need.

*

Headaches...more from the book

2009-06-08T05:00:00.001-04:00

Here's a new one. Headaches are a big part of my life. I'm working hard to control my migraine frequency, and also working on a book about them. The second poem is from my book.

*

Hidden booze in desk.
Workday spent watching NASDAQ.
Buy stock in Advil.

*

Thorny crown, piercing
my head, I wish I were dead.
Heavy weight crushing -

My pressure-cooked head.
throbbing, pounding, and squeezing -
migraines bite, big time!

*

Happy hour mutterings...

2009-06-05T05:00:00.001-04:00

This great sign was found in a Manhattan pub somewhere! I'm inspired to comment on a typical Friday night "happy hour" gossip-a-thon about your supervisor or stupid co-workers, followed by dining, drinking, and nightlife. Many Manhattanites spend their weekends thus - only to regret it the next day with an awful hangover. And yet, the cycle continues...this is New York...this is what disgruntled employees do for fun...

*

“Welcome, you prophets!”
Philosophers of spirits,
food, sports, and women.

Happy hour lemmings,
complainers of work, bosses,
leavers of cheap tips.

Pub crawler prophets
proselytizing about the
stalled project ideas.

“Company is dumb!”
Upper management deaf to
underdog vision.

Everyone agrees,
drinks to “bring change tomorrow!”
Tomorrow brings pain.

*

Subway Characters...more from the book

2009-06-04T12:01:00.001-04:00

Awwwww yeah, boiiiiii! All the freaks come out at night in NYC, ya'll! Actually, you can see freaks 24/7 in New York City. City life has its ups and downs, positives and negatives, pros and cons. Here are some haiku from my first book - brief glimpses of actual New Yorkers. I've seen worse - I just haven't written about them yet!

*

Empty subway car.
But no one moves to get in
due to homeless man.

*

A great day shattered,
by a stranger in public
who’s picking his nose.

*

Riding the subway,
you realize that there are
kids that you could kill.

*

The subway rush hour -
people run to closing doors.
Arms or feet are trapped.

Pry the door open,
holding it for sneaking friends.
Conductor is mad!

but must be polite.
Riders with eyes of daggers
haunt the delayers.

*
The Battery of the Battery Man

He sneaks on and yells:
“Battree battree battery!”
He sells batteries.

He takes a deep breath:
“Battree battree battery!”
“Two for a dollah!”

Catching his breath, he
yells, “Battree battree battree!”
over and over.

Eventually
someone needs some double A’s.
He goes on his way,

to the next subway car.
You can hear “Battree! Battree!”
“Two for a dollah!”

*

Subway commute home -
Bobbing head dangerously
close to touching mine.

Swaying back and forth,
I try to nudge you awake,
but you stay asleep!

And oblivious!
Where is the battery man?
Is it my stop yet?

*

Ode to the Electric Sewer...more from the book

2009-05-26T05:00:00.002-04:00

This is a great picture of an old clock at Grand Central Station. Trains are a part of life in the city - so much of a city dweller's life is spent commuting and putting up with all the aggravation that goes with it. But, you can find beauty in the strangest, dirtiest things in train stations- like this clock, which we could barely see. We pointed the camera and the flash did the rest. The other picture is a close-up of the warning strip on the platform edge. The "eyeballs" on it have always fascinated me. It's like they dare you to stay away!

*

Racing and running
Argh! My Metro card is stuck!
I missed the train – fuck!

*

Stuck behind track work.
Re-routed, people confused.
Fucking MTA!

*

Ode to the Electric Sewer

Tunneling people,
gleaming metal snakes in tubes,
rumbling underground.

The pushing people,
anxious to get in, ride as
sardines in a can.

No personal space,
many elbows in your face,
far below traffic.

Into black darkness,
following the secret paths
lined with graffiti.

With speed, we emerge -
from one noise to another,
platform of garbage.

We pick our way up
through hawkers, performers, to
the city surface.

As a kid, it was
magic, but now just a ride.
Fast, cramped, and noisy.

*

Date Night

2009-05-22T05:00:00.002-04:00

Is there anything worse than dating?! That giddy, awkward first date can sometimes turn into a fiasco. They say all the freaks come out at night here in Manhattan, and I have to agree (although there are plenty of strange things to be seen during the day). The weirdest first dates I've had were in New York City.

*

When someone offers
you a breath mint, there’s a
good reason for it.

*

A fortune spent on
wardrobe, for naught! because your
hair is frizzy gross!

*

"Bringing sexy back,"
my blind date thinks he’s so hot.
Oh, hellz no, you’re not!

*

The weirdest first date I had was with a guy who actually told me on our first date that if I, and I'm quoting, "wanted him to dress up like Stalin in the bedroom, he was all for that, or any other kinky thing I was in to." Ewwwww.....yeah, that's too much information. Suffice it to say, we did not have a second date. These next ones are "inspired" by him and crazy first dates of my friends.

*

Blind date small talk turns
bad quickly when he asks you
if you "like it rough."

*

He likes toe sucking -
it's too much information!
When will the night end?

*

She has nineteen kids -
it's too much information!
When will the night end?

*

He wears pantyhose -
it's too much information!
When will the night end?

*

She uses sex toys -
it's too much information!
When will the night end?

*

Now you write one! All you need is 5 syllables to fill in the first line. Think of your worst dating experience - first dates are always ripe for material. Then go to my Zazzle store and make it into a greeting card! Send it to your single friend who can surely relate. I hope you'll post it in my comments section first! Here's your format:

(your line here)
it's too much information!
when will the night end?

*

Have a very Happy Memorial Day weekend! and if you're single, I hope you enjoy some nice dates...ones without too much information...

*

Stupid Big Toe Nail!

2009-05-21T05:00:00.001-04:00

I have decided to disclose my lifelong, eternal struggle - one that is very embarrassing and has turned into an epic battle royale that very nearly consumes my life. Yes, I'm talking about...my stupid big toe nail! AHRRRGGG! So many socks have died... thin ones, thick ones, cheap ones, expensive ones... shot down in the prime of their life... sacrificed so young... if they only had some small chance of hope! Then I might not have a sock drawer filled with unmatched "onsies."

*

Stupid big toe nail!
Always poking holes in socks!
Why can’t you be tamed?

Happy Bunny socks
not so funny anymore.
Bunny laughs at me.

Big toe laughs at me!
I trim and file daily, but -
You will not submit.

Another ruined,
And the sock budget goes up.
The cost annoys me!

And I’m embarrassed,
anxious of removing shoes
to find a surprise.

Stupid big toe nail!
I’ll have the last laugh when the
Doctor pulls you out!

*

And lest you think I'm joking with these haikus, I have seriously considered having my big toe nails removed, because I'm tired of all the brand new socks I have - with holes - from my stupid big toe nail! In the meantime, I think I found a store just for people like me:

www.littlemissmatched.com

And if you live in the NYC area, you can get a free "triplet" pair of socks. Just go to:

www.lostmysock.com

Hurry! I think this is good for Memorial Day weekend only.

*

Stanky Breff

2009-05-20T05:00:00.001-04:00

*
when someone offers
you a breath mint, there’s a
good reason for it.

*

Fire Safety

2009-05-19T05:00:00.000-04:00

If you work in a New York City office, you probably know who your fire warden and deputy fire warden are, along with the male and female searchers. Such is our life after 9/11. I remember as kid that everyone loved having a fire drill! We got to go outside! A brief respite from school! You would think that as adults, we would welcome this break in our daily routine. I'm always amazed by how people who are sick of their jobs are still annoyed by having to participate in the fire drill. I often wonder what kind of chaos would ensue if there really was a fire in my office building. As an acting deputy fire warden, I'll know how to get out. Will I help others or save myself? I think it will depend on my mood when it happens. >:)

*

Fire alarm testing -
No one wants to leave their desk
and I am warden.

“Must participate!”
I push them and they hate me
but it’s not my fault!

If there is a fire,
I’ll be the first to escape.
Oh, I pray for it!

*

HAM! ...more from the book

2009-05-18T05:00:00.001-04:00

Aside from candy, the only other awesome thing about Easter is HAM! and yams! and green bean casserole! Oh yeah, and celebrating how Jesus rose from dead. That's pretty cool too....

*

Ham – there is nothing
more perfect: honey baked and
pineapple smothered.

Ham, glorious ham!
For some sweet salty goodness,
I would sell my soul.

*

Marshmallow smothered
yams covered in butter, it's
fatteningly good!

*

Friday Fun

2009-05-15T12:33:00.003-04:00

I got no featured poet for Friday this week. :(

Here's a picture of my cousin Nick, Bruce, and Nick's daughter Genny. She had received this Barbie toy - a cash register with a microphone. Bruce is doing the classic "you want fries with that?" The look on her face is priceless!

*

Toy makers, take note!
Dad thinks it’s fun, child does not -
You made a mistake.

*

Dawwwwwwwww!

2009-05-14T13:50:00.012-04:00

How can I write angry haiku when I've seen this?

I can't live without my DailyPuppy.com! This little guy is Matthew and he's adoptable! Won't you consider saving a puppy or kitty from an animal shelter? I know, that's a very un-"Provocative Haiku" thing for me to say, but I do have my soft spots. :)

This little black puppy reminds me of Dieter, my Texas puppy that I rescued from a very hot outdoor festival. When I got him home, he fell asleep on my tummy.

He was a little ball of energy for chewing after that. I gave him to a neighbor before I moved to NYC. I wonder what he's up to?

!@#$*&^% Post Office!

2009-05-13T15:32:00.000-04:00

I hate post office!
Slow people serving even
slower dumb people

Every time, a line!
Every person takes too long!
Want to slap them all!

*

Guess where I was today?

*

Dog Apparel on Zazzle!

2009-05-12T11:29:00.004-04:00

I'm so excited about dog apparel being the new product available on Zazzle - I had to write a haiku! And now your dog can wear my haiku! Visit my Zazzle store at www.zazzle.com/provocative

*

Fresh poop on sidewalk
signals a successful walk:
“I made that today.”

*

Destroyed Phone Booth

2009-05-11T09:12:00.005-04:00

This is one of my favorite photos! This crime scene occurred right outside my office last year. On the corner, there's usually a bagel cart right in front of this phone booth. Based on the angle of the hit (it's leaning into the street), this smash was not caused by car traffic. I have a feeling that the bagel guy backed into it when he was hitching up his cart to leave, but I could be wrong.

The whole scene made me realize that cell phones have really taken over our lives. I haven't seen anyone use a public phone booth - except for protection from the rain - in over 5 years! Do they serve any public service anymore? Everyone has a souped up cell phone, iPhone, or Blackberry. Most everyone has unlimited minutes on their phone, so if you had a emergency, chances are you could borrow a stranger's cell phone.

I think public phones are still around for making prank calls or anonymous calls. Perhaps that's a subject for a future post?!

*

Telephone booth smashed!
Prickly glass bits stick my feet.
My shoes now have holes.

*

“Caution” tape at scene -
someone murdered the phone booth!
No cops – just cleanup.

*

Who will mourn this heap?
Unused public phone was killed!
No one cries for you.

*

Pile of broken glass
does not slow down Crackberry
man who walks and texts.

*

Friday Featured Poet: Sheila Hageman

2009-05-08T09:30:00.000-04:00

This week's featured poet is my cousin-in-law, Sheila Hageman! She's a "for real and for true" author! And you can read her work on her blog, Stripper Mom, or on her website:
www.StripperMom.blogspot.com
www.SheilaHageman.com

A Provocative Fact: Sheila is a former stripper and has written a memoir about her experience. She currently has an agent and hopes to get a book deal soon. In the meantime, won't you buy your very own "officially licensed" Stripper Mom underwear?

Sheila is so multi-talented! Not only is she a book-lover (as evidenced by the LIBRARY amount of books in her home), but she's a teacher! and a yoga instructor! Sheila teaches creative writing at Hunter College, the school where she graduated as valedictorian with her MFA in Creative Nonfiction. She's also a certified yoga instructor currently holding classes at Fresh Yoga. Sheila makes a mean Mac 'n Cheese, has a fabulous collection of sandals, and is obsessed with coffee.

We're glad she could be here! She wrote these haikus just for Provocative Haiku!

*

Greasy barstool air,
customers with beer foamed lips
and me, nude on stage.

They beg, take it off.
I comply, naked I stand—
five ones against thigh.

Eyes level with crotch,
fingers fumble with dollars—
my brain atrophies.

My sixth grade teacher
front row and center, face pale.
Who’s disappointed?

OH, that last one kills me!!! I had to ask Sheila about that last haiku, and the answer is yes, it actually happened! :) Great stuff as always for our Friday Featured Poets. Join us! Post your comments or email them to me. Enjoy your weekend!

Cheese and Farts

2009-05-07T14:25:00.002-04:00

Bruce and I went for dinner in Park Slope a few weekends ago. We just wandered around until we came across this awesome Italian restaurant, Tutta Pasta. And then the weekend after, we went to Aunt Suzie's Restaurant. We highly recommend both places. The food was delicious! Park Slope has a lot of unique cafes and restaurants.

We all know Italian food can sometimes be heavy on the cheese, so of course Bruce was "playing his music" for me. He wrote this haiku just for my blog:

Oh, cheese! It is good.
It goes down the pipes smoothly.
Smelly farts come out.

Actual picture of his dinner from Aunt Suzie's - handmade gnocchi!

Bruce loves cheese - and bacon. If he could eat them all day, every day, that would be his dream. Who doesn't love cheese and bacon?! and the "music" that they produce?! Here's one from my book which I wrote for Bruce:

Flying Boxer Monkeys

With an impish grin,
He says to pull his finger.
But I know that game.

His pants are silent,
Then flying monkeys erupt.
Air moves his boxers.

And you blame it on
snow frogs, barking spiders and
stepping on a duck.

Noise followed by smell.
We both know it was you! Why
can’t you admit it?!

*

Gaseous though he may be, Bruce Whou is my fiancee, soulmate, and BFF. He's a musician, an artist, and a sci-fi geek. He's currently writing a science fiction novel "Statement of Trains" and also writing on-the-fly at his blog - very dark stuff at www.brucepsquirrel.blogspot.com - check it out before it disappears, as he's always revamping that site. You can also check out the hilarity we create together at www.brucepsquirrel.com.

Spotlight on Brian

2009-05-06T12:25:00.000-04:00

Well, I said I could do a whole book about Brian, the drunken, noisy neighbor who lived upstairs from us. Here's a sample. I wish I could post his picture here, because his face says so much! He's gotta be around 50 years old but looks 70 from so much abuse of his liver. And I'm not calling him a drunken neighbor to sound more colorful - he really is an alcoholic.

Cops have been to our apartment building because of him, although they never came for the 3 calls I made. I think the police have given up on trying to help him. He slapped his own daughter - and how do I know? because I heard his wife yelling at him about it. Oddly enough, the daughter lived in the apartment across the hall from him. We haven't seen her in our building for over a year, so I guess she "escaped." I wish the wife would, too. But the battered woman syndrome is a complicated situation. I don't think Brian has ever hit his wife, but they argue terribly. It's sad, because she could do so much better.

*

He has a disease,
drinks too much and beats his wife,
She should leave him now.

*

Brian just got home.
I hear the clinking of beer.
Bad rock music starts.

God dammit, Brian!
“Wrestling match” sounds from above.
Why aren’t you tired?!

Brian is hammered,
Speech stammered, he falls again -
A thundering clunk.

Why is it that you
get loud by 4 a.m. and
not pass out sooner?!

*

Wish he would move out
but rent stabilization
has Landlord’s hands tied.

*

Manhattan parking risks

2009-05-05T11:00:00.000-04:00

Bruce and I saw this car near our apartment. I had to get a picture of it! I wish I knew the story behind it - how long has the car been there? Were the wheels worth so much money that someone had to steal them? Just flat tires and the guy is lazy? The mind races thinking about it!

*

*

Gorgeous orange car
I was gone only 12 hours
What happened last night?

*

City street parking -
Always a risky surprise.
Don’t be gone too long.

*

Pipe Cleaner Bug

2009-05-04T14:09:00.002-04:00

arts and crafts are fun
but this didn’t come out well
stupid pipe cleaners

*

Friday Featured Poet: Kim Northrop

2009-05-01T09:11:00.002-04:00

I can't say enough about Kim Northrop! I think every one of her "Bitter Employee" series is brilliant! They're biting, timely, and I think everyong can relate to them. If you're a fan of Dilbert, you'll love her work! And if you're a fan of poetry in general, she writes very eloquent, non-angry poems, too.

For her bio, Kim writes: "Artist & writer living in Snorasota, Florida. But I have a cool yard, so it all works." Ah, Kim, you're so modest! Check out all her awesome stuff at her blog:
http://alkimy.blogspot.com/

And she also has a Zazzle store:
http://www.zazzle.com/alkimy444

After you read her work, won't you please comment on her blog and tell her which ones you liked? Even better - I will be your friend for life if you pester her for me about putting together a book! Many thanks!

Hey, if you've got some angry haikus, share them with us! If you have at least 3, you can be my next featured poet, so contact me now!

Dating in NYC...more from the book

2009-04-29T19:50:00.000-04:00

*

Silently I laugh
at your broken, scratched up car.
Arhg! Stupid blind date!

*

Striped, ruffled blouse and
Plaid skirt with brown cowboy boots.
Is she color blind?

*

I fear the waiter -
he had to take my plate back.
I hope he won’t spit.

*

In the dark movie,
phone ringing has started a
massive popcorn war.

*

D'oh, dating is so tough these days! Won't you share your horrors here - preferably in the form of a haiku? I hope you will!

Atlantic City observations

2009-04-28T13:56:00.004-04:00

I went to Atlantic City this weekend with friends. Had a migraine the whole time. I could blame it on all the noise but to be truthful, the migraine started Friday night and I still have it.

I haven't been to Atlantic City in over a decade and a lot has changed. It was more spacious - more room to walk around. Caesar's looked just like Caesar's in Vegas. The machines were quieter since it's all digital - no more "ching ching ching" of the coins falling out. Makes the loud music more noticeable - and you can't get away from it. There's music in the hallways, the restaurants, even in the bathroom.

And why is every ladies' room seat covered in piss?! Ladies, why?! If ya'll would just put paper on the seat and sit yo' @ss down, we would not be doing this blog entry!!!!! If you're gonna squat, then control your (rhymes with squat)!

Other than that, my only other observation is that I am a jaded New Yorker. I went to the mall on the boardwalk, and it was all high-end fashion and luxury goods, all of which I can get in Manhattan on Fifth Avenue. Why are we all so obsessed with paying more money for brand names? They're not better! My grandmother was a seamstress so I know what to look for and I can tell you that a lot of this "upper end" apparel is NOT made better than something you'd find at K-Mart. I'm not going to name names because these places get enough media exposure as it is. I really miss little trendy boutiques that only the locals know about.

*

Pigs at the buffet
leave the casino trough to
sprinkle the toilet!

*

Music follows me
No escaping ABBA - please!
Not the bathroom too!

*

Greedy brand shoppers
want to save at the outlet.
No change for homeless.

*
He has velvet pants,
fishnet shirt, red boots. He spins
with a radio.

Freaky performer
begging for his money share
of the A.C. pie.

*

Probably should have taken a photo of that guy with the velvet pants, but I was too weirded out.

Friday Featured Poet: Jeff Terzi

2009-04-24T10:20:00.007-04:00

Pirate Alison & Samurai Jeff, Halloween last year->

Welcome to our first featured poet:

Jeff Terzi

Not only is Jeff my cousin (which made it easy to cajole him into participating), he's also a very talented photo retoucher, photographer, and artist. Jeff is also an accomplished martial artist who is currently studying kendo. And he dabbles in poetry.

"People I Know" is a collection of haiku about real people close to Jeff. He won't tell me who they're about. Just so you know, he did write nice poems about some people, but I've only included here his "sharper" ones - because this is Provocative Haiku! And we like our haiku to sting. I hope you enjoy!

You can visit Jeff (and even hire him!) at www.JeffTerzi.com

*
People I know
--------------------------------

How can someone so
intelligent self aware
do such stupid things

--------------------------------

I do not hate you
though you speak out of your ass
I fear I’m like you

--------------------------------

I’m supposed to love
you because you’re family
will I mourn your death

--------------------------------

I almost forgot
to write a poem for you
you don’t seem to care

--------------------------------